Hell's Kitchen: Kagutsuchi
by Writing Jet
Summary: Ragna, after falling for a trick, is forced to participate in a Blazblue edition of Hell's Kitchen, alongside the rest of the cast. Will he be able to win the 250k? Or will he crush under the pressure? Rated T for language.
1. Episode 1 - Arrival

"You can't be fucking serious." Ragna slammed down his hand on the table fiercely, making the frail cups of coffee tremble, almost as if they were going to shatter.

"Now, now, Ragna…" Before him was Mori, the producer of the acclaimed Blazblue franchise. They had just finished recording their lines for the newest installment- Chrono Phantasma. Which is why this entire meeting made no sense.

Taking a sip of his coffee before risking losing it (and expensive it was), he kept on talking.

"It'll be a while until we can work on the console version, and I thought this would be a fun way to keep the cast together!"

"Why? Why the fuck would you want to keep THIS cast together!? There's no way I'm going through that misery with those bunch of retards!"

Mori smiled slyly, like a kid who knew he had gotten away with his greatest prank yet.

"The papers are all signed. You start next month."

"What the flying fuck! I didn't sign shit!" Ragna tensed up to the point where you could see his neck muscles strain.

"Remember that blooper where I made you sign some papers and you were like 'Yeah yeah whatever just give me my fucking paycheck!'?" Mori laughed in Ragna's face.

Damn, he had been played.

"You're gonna hear from my lawyer you degenerate piece of shit!" Ragna slammed down his hand again on the table, causing his blazing hot coffee to pour all over his arm.

"SHIT! FUCK!"

Mori just kept sipping on his coffee, trying his best to not spit it all out in Ragna's face.

"Look, don't be like that! The prize is two hundred fifty grand, after all…"

Ragna froze, unlike his burning arm. Two hundred fifty grand…with that amount of money, he could finally quit working like a waiter while waiting for the next Blazblue installment! Shit, why didn't he finish highschool anyways? In any case, the idea was sold to him. He had to become a chef… the best chef.

"I'm in, fuck damn it!"

For money!

"Just as planned."

Being picked up by a two story, luxurious Hell's Kitchen bus should have been awesome, but Ragna couldn't help but be incredibly irritated at his company.

"He-HEY, B…brother?"

"Hey Jin, you know we're not filming Blazblue anymore, right?"

"Blazblue? Why would I film the Azure Grimoire, brother? All I want to film…IS YOU!"

"Oh fuck me senseless, you're actually retarded."

Before Jin could take the first part of his phrase literally, Ragna's arm was slapped weakly by…somebody. When he spun around, there was nobody to be seen.

"Oh Ragna, you are still as easy to fool as any common pet." Returning his gaze back to where Jin was, he spotted Rachel flaunting her snobby bitch ass proud fucking look.

"Really funny, bitch. I'd ask but I already knew you were a fucking snob twenty-four seven!"

Rachel just began chatting with Jin, leaving him stranded without an answer.

'Fucking bitch.' Those were always the same thoughts that sprung up whenever he spoke with Rachel.

Before his day could be further ruined, he decided to board the bus before the rest of the crew arrived. He picked a nice, hidden seat at the corner of the second floor, and waited.

When the bus arrived in Hell's Kitchen, Ragna made sure to be the last one to leave the bus. That way, he could gauge up the competition without actually…interacting.

On the men's side, he could identify the obvious Jin (if you could even call him a man), Bang, Tager, Hazama (oh fuck him), and the two newcomers from the newest installment: Amane and Azrael. Despite Amane's frankly fabulous outfit, he was amazed at how much manly he could be than Jin.

On the girl's side, there was the snobby bitch, Litchi, Noel, Kokonoe, Platinum, Tao…Tao!? What the fuck was she doing there? …Regardless, he also saw Bullet. Seems they brought in all new members...Just great.

"Welcome, Welcome to Hell's Kitchen, everybody!" Some Belgian waiter walked up to the group. He swore he could remember his name from somewhere…Johny Pier? John Pierre?

"EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE IT'S JEAN PHILLIPE!" Noel started shouting from amidst the crowd. There was a mind numbing silence as every eye in the set dawned upon her.

"W-why are you looking at me like that? Y-You don't know him? I-Am I the only who who actually watches this sho-"

"Oh fuck off will ya!" A mysterious voice shouted.

The leaves near them began scattering as a fierce gust hit the group. Above them was none other than Top Chef Gordon Ramsay in a rocket jetpack. After doing some kickass pirouettes he landed right next to Jean Phillipe.

"What" What. What? What the fuck?

"I'll cut the crap. As you all probably now, this is Hell's Kitchen, and I am Chef Gordon Ramsay. Take a deep breath at how nice I'm being, because in ten seconds I will be running your sorry asses for months!"

"…"

"…Now fuck off into the building will ya?"

Ragna made his way towards the kitchen, catching some comments from his surrounding peers. "It's just like on TV!", "That was a true display of science!", "Iaaa lunaaa" "How dare that swine tell ME to fuck off?", "This guy's gonna be a blast to troll HEHEHhahHhhuHUHUHUHU", "His hair is simply wonderful!" …Shit like that.

If what he was hearing from Noel was true, it was customary for this show to have a challenge showing off what you could do right from the bat. Luckily, Ragna had time to study up and brush up all he could in his culinary skills. And maybe, just maybe, the money was in his grasp.

"Listen up. All of you!" Chef Ramsay's voice definitely had a piercing element to it.

"As you know, the winner of Hell's Kitchen will be receiving two. Hundred. And FIFTY grand, alongside the position of Executive Chef on my new restaurant located in Kagutsuchi. Thus! I need to know what you're capable of! We'll be forming two teams. Red for the women, and Blue for the men. Now, you have fourty-five minutes. Use anything in the kitchen, and show off your signature dish…The team that pleases me the most will win the challenge."

The 14 contestants got ready…it was all or nothing.

"Now get the fuck in the kitchen!"

The crew spread out swiftly, heading towards the pantry for their ingredients. Ragna didn't have time to fuck around; it was time to show them his skill! Fuck, he needed that money for rent! He grabbed some spaghetti, vodka, tomatoes and a myriad of other ingredients and got down to work.

"TIME'S UP!"

'Shit', Ragna thought to himself. He had barely managed to finish plating his dish with 5 seconds remaining. What really surprised him, though, was seeing how the rest of the crew actually got their shit done. Even Taokaka.

"Alright then, let's see what I'll have to work with this year."

He lifted up the first lid.

"…Dear, Oh dear. Who the fuck cooked this?"

"M-Me, chef…" Noel was trembling already.

"Step forward…what the fuck is this?"

"It's, um, Kagutsuchi Puffer Fish simmed in Peppers and Spices…"

"Are you a fucking lunatic? Come here…Come here!" Noel eeped, but stepped closer to the Chef.

"This fish…it's RAW! It's bloody fucking RAW!" He slammed his hand onto the dish, breaking it into a million pieces and splashing sauce all over Noel's face in a totally non sexual matter.

"YOU'LL KILL SOMEONE!"

"I-I-I-I-I-I-'M I'M SORRRYYYY CHEF! UAAAAAAAAAAAAHH-"

"Oh FUCK OFF, will ya? Wake up! Get your ass back in line!" Still bawling, Noel walked back to her group. Hazama's cackles resonated throughout the room.

"AhahahHUHAUAHUAHHOHOHOHOOHEHEHEH"

"Hey you! Shut the fuck up!"

"Yes…Chef…heheheoohohoho. I mean. Yes Chef!" Yet Hazama still kept that fucking shit eating grin, what Ragna would give to kill him right now.

*shot of Noel looking at the camera*

"I was like, soooo scared! I actually started to cry…It was my favorite dish too! But…But I won't' give up!"

*end of interview*

Chef Ramsay moved on to the next tray. As he lifted the lid, he was presented with quite the exquisite looking dish.

"Who cooked this?"

"That was me, chef." Litchi voiced out. She walked slowly, her melons bouncing at a magnificent tempo, her legs so smooth and beautiful you could see Noel's crying face reflected on them.

"Al…right? What is this, then?"

"That, chef, is a Trevally and Lychees dish coated in a mushroom, celery sauce…"

Chef Ramsay took his utensils and took a portion of it right into his mouth.

"This is…"

*generic tv show dramatic music whle closing up on Litchi's face*

"…quite delicious!"

*Interview with Litchi*

"Yes! I was quite relieved at Chef Ramsay liking my dish…I know some people don't really notice me for things other than my, uhm, assets…but I can definitely cook!"

*end of interview*

"Do you have cooking experience?"

"No chef, I work as a doctor on a small clinic…I do cook my own meals, but that's it."

"To think there was such talent hidden in a clinic! Get back in line."

"Yes chef!"

As things were looking up for the red team, none was quite prepared for what was about to happen as Chef Ramsay pulled up the lid.

"...Oh my god, fuck me senseless. Who cooked this!?"

"THAT'S ME NYA! TAO CHEF!"

"You have NO REASON to be happy! Look at this! COME HERE! ALL OF YOU!" The 14 contestants circled around the table…

In it, was an overcooked, charred, hair-covered salmon.

"Did you expect…did you SERIOUSLY expect ANYBODY to eat this piece of shit!?"

"Nyaa, Tao eats it all the time! Look meow!" Tao reached over, grabbed the fish, and munched it down.

*dramatic beat music as the camera shows the incredulous faces of all the participants*

"…GET OUT!"

"Meow?"

"GET OUT! TAKE OFF OYUR FUCKING JACKET. AND GEEEEET OUUUUT!"

"MEOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO-"

"OUT! GET THE FUCKING BLOODY HELL OUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUT!"

Presented with the worse excuse for a culinary dish ever, Chef Ramsay loses his patience…and now, even before the first service even starts, the red team is down one member! Will they be able to win the challenge…will they be able to hold up during service?

Will Ragna get his money?

Find out during the next episode…of Hell's Kitchen!


	2. Episode 2 - Challenge 1's Conclusion

On the previous episode…of HELL'S KITCHEN!

"_You can't be fucking serious." Ragna slammed down his hand on the table fiercely, making the frail cups of coffee tremble, almost as if they were going to shatter._

The Blazblue Cast embarks on a new journey…

"_Oh Ragna, you are still as easy to fool as any common pet." Returning his gaze back to where Jin was, he spotted Rachel flaunting her snobby bitch ass proud fucking look._

Both the good, and the bad…

"_EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE IT'S JEAN PHILLIPE!" Noel started shouting from amidst the crowd._

"_Oh fuck off will ya!" Above them was none other than Top Chef Gordon Ramsay in a rocket jetpack._

And in this acclaimed kitchen, we saw suffering…

"_This fish…it's RAW! It's bloody fucking RAW!" He slammed his hand onto the dish, breaking it into a million pieces and splashing sauce all over Noel's face in a totally non sexual matter._

And talent…

"_That, chef, is a Trevally and Lychees dish coated in a mushroom, celery sauce…"_

_Chef Ramsay took his utensils and took a portion of it right into his mouth._

"_This is…quite delicious!"_

But nobody was prepared…for Tao's display

"…_GET OUT!"_

"_Meow?"_

"_GET OUT! TAKE OFF OYUR FUCKING JACKET. AND GEEEEET OUUUUT!"_

"_MEOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO-"_

"_OUT! GET THE FUCKING BLOODY HELL OUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUT!"_

And now

For the continuation, of Hell's Kitchen…

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

After Taokaka took off her jacket and stormed off the kitchen, the Blazblue cast stood incredulous. Chef Ramsay served himself a glass and drank down.

"Dear oh dear…twenty years people, TWENTY YEARS. And that is TRULY, the most DISASTRUOUS thing I have ever witnessed."

While Litchi and Noel were glad that was over, the rest of the cast wondered where this was taking them.

"Well, let's get this bloody mess out of the way." Chef Ramsay walked up to the next tray, and lifted it. Inside, there was what seemed to be a brown noodle soup.

"Who cooked this?"

"Why, that was me Chef." Hazama took off his hat and stepped forward, shit eating grin in place.

"Well, what is it?"

"That is a Snake Wonton Soup, Chef. The wonton is stuffed with shrimp, and the broth contains sugarcane, in addition to the snake meat. No worries! It won't kill ya! HEHEHAHAHEHEHEHAHEH"

"Oh shut the fuck up!" Ramsay glared at Hazama, but proceeded to taste the soup.

"…Every season, I get some fancy ass chef who thinks he's hot shit." The cast fixated on Chef Ramsay.

"They always talk and talk, but they couldn't heat up a sandwich without burning it!" Hazama stood there, unsure of what to take from his analogy.

"…I'm glad YOU have the skill to back up your attitude! Back in line!" Hazama cackled, and walked back to the group. Ragna couldn't have been madder if he woke up in bed next to Jin.

"I'm also glad to see the men are off to a bloody good start!" The men (yes, even Ragna) seemed happy about his statement. On the women's side, you could see the bitch wars brewing up.

'Thanks a lot, Noel' Platinum whispered.

'You're a pussy on the battlefield and a pussy on the kitchen!' Kokonoe spewed with vile.

_*Interview with Noel*_

"_I just don't understand…I messed up once! But it's not like I was going to mess up the ENTIRE time! They don't have to be such meanie faces about it…" Noel silently sobbed, wiped her eyes, but controlled her emotions._

_*End of Interview*_

Chef Ramsay approached the next tray, and lifted it up.

"Alright, who made this?" Amane stepped up.

"That was me, chef. An Oven Roasted, Stuffed Alaska Halibut. Hope you enjoy it." Amane's manly, delicious voice seemed to shock Chef Ramsay. No lisp, and his extremely masculine aura contrasted heavily with the pink clothes he had arrived in.

Taking a bite out of the Halibut, Chef Ramsay's face turned into a frown.

"This had potential. It really did…but it's dry. Completely dry. Way overcooked. Get back in line!"

"Yes, Chef." Amane walked back, taking deep breaths. He had definitely shamed his honor.

Chef Ramsay lifted the lidfor the next plate. It seemed so…fine dining. Chef Ramsay actually raised his eyebrows.

"That's mine Chef!" Kokonoe shouted, and stepped forward.

"Hold the fuck up! Did I tell you you could speak!?" Kokonoe's face tightened. The cast new she was doing her best effort to not cuss the fuck out of Chef Ramsay.

"No…Chef. I'm…..sorry, Chef." Hazama was basically spasming as he countained his cackles and insults. Noel seemed to feel better, seeing her previous attacker put in her place. Tager looked like he was going to shit bricks…Somebody got Kokonoe to be polite!

"…Glad you fucking understand. Anyways. What is this? It looks exquisite!"

"That, Chef, is a Braised Wagyu Beef Brisket with fourme d'Ambert, cauliflower pudding, four-angled beans and paw-paw relish."

'What the flying fuck, doesn't that bitch only eat lollipops?' Ragna lowly got out from under his breath.

'Kokonoe locked herself up in her lab for a month before coming here, Bloodedge. God knows what happened in there.' Tager adjusted his glasses as he spoke.

Chef Ramsay brung a portion to his mouth.

"It's cooked perfect. Well seasoned, no HAIR in it…Very good! Back in line."

"Thank you, Chef." Kokonoe smirked and turned around. Like Hazama, she had the skill to back up her fat mouth.

_*Interview with Kokonoe*_

"_Hell FUCKING A. BITCHES!"_

_*End of Inverview*_

Chef Ramsay moved to the next tray, and called for he who prepared it, alongside it's contents.

"That was me Chef. That is a Soy Chicken Shawarma. Some pickles, hummus and tanini...the elementary." Jin stepped forward, in his usual cool kid wannabe shit.

"…Soy Chicken?"

"…I dislike meat, chef."

"Well, alright Pretty Hippie Boy. Let's get this over with." Chef Ramsay brung Jin's vegan chicken to his mouth, and stood silent for a few seconds.

*Dramatic close ups*

*dun dun*

"That is delicious. I could have almost been fooled. Superb job! Now get your pretty ass back in line."

"Hmph. Yes Che-"

"Don't give me fucking Hmph, you snobby piece of shit! Back in line!"

"…Yes, Chef." Despite the insults, Jin didn't flinch…he just slowly walked back to the men.

_*Interview with Jin*_

"_Hmph."_

_*End of Interview*_

As things seem to be looking even, with both teams at two good dishes, the pressure starts to come on to the remaining contestants…

"This is disgusting!" He told Bang's dish as he spit it out.

"Undercooked, I wouldn't serve that at a one star restaurant." He told Platinum, as her eyes started moisting up from the harsh truth.

"And don't give me fucking crocodile tears, fucking A. If it's shit, IT'S SHIT!" Sena was obviously the dominant persona, as Luna would have probably given Chef Ramsay a mouthful.

"This is just perfect! Best pork I've eaten in a while!" He told Bullet, as she silently nodded.

"This Chicken steak is simply brilliant. How did you even cook this with those big hands of yours?" Tager slightly blushed.

"Erhm, well, with THE POWER OF SCIENCE and various of my internal analyze-"

"Wait wait wait, hold on. You're…a machine, yes?"

"Yes chef. I was salvaged from a war zone and fixed up by Kokonoe, Chef."

Ragna rolled his eyes. That was his in-game background. Did anybody here remember Blazblue was just a game!?

"So you're saying you get access to all these gadgets that put you at an unfair advantage."

You could hear a pin drop.

"…Yes chef. I'm unable to function without them."

Chef Ramsay took some moments. Looking at Tager straight in the eye.

"I'm sorry, big man. I'm not allowed to keep you in this competition…you would have too much of an unfair advantage on everybody else…It wouldn't be right. You understand, yes?"

Tager stiffed up. Surprising everybody, he didn't sob or take off his jacket.

"No chef! I came here to win! If I have to destroy my internal circuits I-"

"Tager, stop!" Kokonoe shouted from the backlines.

"If I turn down your sensors, you'll just live in a coma again, it's impossible!"

Tager's shoulders dropped, as if realizing the helplessness of his situation. Resigned, he sobbed and took off his jacket.

"It was an honor, Chef Ramsay. As brief as it were."

Chef Ramsay took the jacket, nodding.

"Listen to me, big boy. It's not your fault. You pulled a damn fine dish back there. While competitions won't let you in…I'll tell you-Never give up!"

Tager muffled his tears, and walked past Chef Ramsay.

"Thank you sir, I will never forget it. Good luck, Kokonoe."

"You fucking know it, Tager!"

Chef Ramsay decided to let it slide, as he watched Tager crouching to walk past the door. He sighed, as if unable to grasp that two of the participants had left before the first service began.

"Unfortunately, this means I cannot count his excellent dish as a point for the blue team. Come on, men!"

Three to Two, only Ragna, Azrael, and Rachel were left.

Lifting one of the final trays, Chef Ramsay was met with a fabulous risotto. Splendid color, and a few edible garnishes.

"I assume you cooked this, missy?" Chef Ramsay glanced upon Rachel.

"No, I did not, Chef." Arching his eyebrows, Chef Ramsay glanced upon Ragna and Azrael.

"It was me, Chef." Azrael chuckled as he moved forward. His steps with such an impressive aura of power, it didn't fit his delicate dish.

"I can tell it's a risotto, so I'm just gonna taste it…" Bringing the spoon to his mouth, no signs of repulsion were seen.

"Very good. Not the best…but very good. Get back in line."

Azrael nodded with a cocky smile, and walked back to his team. That left only the little sissy bitchfight encounter of the century: Ragna vs Rachel.

"It all comes down to this…you two! Come here!"

Ragna grumbled. Like he needed the pressure. And no less against snobby bitch herself. If he lost this challenge, he'd never hear the end of it. To further unnerve him, Rachel had a sly smile on her lips, as if the outcome of the challenge had already been set in stone.

Chef Ramsay pulled up the lid on the left tray, revealing a pasta dish.

"Th-" Ragna almost shouted it was his dish, but remembered Kokonoe's earlier slip. He tried covering up with a cough. Chef Ramsay just looked at him funny.

"I take it this is your dish, old man?" Surely a jab at his hair, Ragna had heard far worse in his lifetime.

"Yes, Chef. It is a "Death Spiked" Spaghetti with a touch of vodka in its sauce."

"Vodka? Are you trying to get me drunk?"

"No, chef."

"You'd be surprised at a dish I got once, some fucking…bimbo dropped a whole bottle of Tequila in it. Anyways, let me taste this…"

Chef Ramsay took a bit of it in his mouth. However, he didn't say anything. He just proceeded to lift Rachel's tray. Being the only one who had nothing to be said to was unexpected.

"Missy, what's this?"

"This, chef, is a Lemon and Candied Tomatoes set of Ravioli, along with some pea puree…"

Ragna swallowed a lump in his throat. Rachel had served some fine ass shit, in her snobby ass bitch tone…and he had served spaghetti.

Chef Ramsay took a bite out of it, and pondered.

"Tough. Very tough." Rachel's face contorted, as if she couldn't believe Ragna's dish even stood a chance. To be fair to hair, Ragna wore the same expression.

"The tie breaker, and thus the winner of the first Hell's Kitchen Challenge is…"

*Closeups of Noel, Litchi, Kokonoe, Jin, Amane, Azrael, Ragna, and Rachel*

"The blue team!"

"$%&"$#& **** !"$!"#%$&!" Kokonoe, in her rage, had actually managed to break the censor, despite there not being a censor at all. Noel looked down, as if knowing this was partly her fault. Platinum started stomping the ground, shouting at Sena for coming up with such a lame ass dish. Litchi just sighed, disappointed at her loss. Bullet kept being silent and professional about the entire thing.

Jin and Azrael just grinned; Bang shed manly tears of relief; Amane didn't seem happy at all, perhaps still embarrassed at his performance. While Hazama began cackling like usual, looking at Kokonoe straight in the eye.

_*Interview with Kokonoe*_

""_#%"#% !""#!"$! And to top it off I had that fucking punk ass piece of shit Hazama RETARD shouting and laughing in my face, like-!"$"!#$"#$ $!#%""""########!"_

_*End of Interview*_

_*Interview with Hazama*_

"_TAKE THAT YOU GRIMALKING PIECE OF SHIT! AHAHAH HUEHEUAHUAHUAHEHEHEEHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA"_

_*End of Interview*_

That left Ragna and Rachel. Ragna took a deep breath, letting out a small smile. He hadn't smiled so genuinely in years. He was so glad he had actually managed to pull this off. And he'd take Rachel's face right now to his grave.

Rachel was fuming.

"Unbelieveable!" She pouted as she walked back to her team.

"Hey. HEY YOU, missy! Get the fuck back here!"

Rachel turned around, giving her nastiest look at Chef Ramsay.

"No, don't you dare. Don't you FUCKING DARE Missy! If you lost, you made a mistake, and you FUCKING MAN UP! Don't be a poor losing piece of shit! Get back in line!"

To Ragna, Rachel finally being below someone's foot was the best thing ever. He watched her struggle with indignation and rage.

"Yes. Chef….."

He was going to sleep with the birdies tonight.

"Moving on! Blue team, as you have won the challenge, you'll be coming to me to eat on one of the FINEST, most EXQUISITE restaurants in all of Kagutsuchi."

Bang tried to high five his team, but nobody really gave a shit.

"You, women, are going to prep BOTH kitchen's for today's service. It's gonna be long, tedious, boring, exhaaaausting…Have fun! Now piss off!"

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

The women, have lost their first challenge. And the men, are getting ready to party. But on the horizon of everything looms the first night of service...Will both teams be able to keep up? Find out, on the next episode...of Hell's Kitchen.


	3. Episode 3 - The First Service

On the previous episode….of HELL'S KITCHEN!

"_Dear oh dear…twenty years people, TWENTY YEARS. And that is TRULY, the most DISASTRUOUS thing I have ever witnessed."_

Tao, has left the kitchen…

"_Who cooked this?"_

"_Why, that was me Chef." Hazama took off his hat and stepped forward, shit eating grin in place._

But the challenge, keeps on moving…

"…_I'm glad YOU have the skill to back up your attitude! Back in line!" Hazama cackled, and walked back to the group. Ragna couldn't have been madder if he woke up in bed next to Jin._

Some do well…

"_This is disgusting!" He told Bang's dish as he spit it out._

…And some don't.

But nobody was prepared…

"_I'm sorry, big man. I'm not allowed to keep you in this competition…"_

For Tager's departure…

'_You're a pussy on the battlefield and a pussy on the kitchen!' Kokonoe spewed with vile._

As drama forms between the teams, and INSIDE the teams…

_That left only the little sissy bitchfight encounter of the century: Ragna vs Rachel._

The challenge finally reaches its conclusion!

"_The tie breaker, and thus the winner of the first Hell's Kitchen Challenge is…"_

"_The blue team!"_

"_$%&"$#& **** !"$!"#%$&!"_

As the men prepare to receive their first reward, the first service looms in the horizon!

And now, for the continuation, of Hell's Kitchen!

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

After the first challenge ended, the men headed upstairs to prepare for their night out. After setting a much required rule of "Jin stays in this half, and Ragna over this one", Ragna found it surprisingly easy to deal with his companions…except for one.

"YEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSSS, WE, THE BLUE TEAM, HAVE DEFEATED THOSE VILE WITCHES WITH OUR RAW SPIRIT!" Bang was shouting, and punching the air. Ragna frowned. No wonder the Blazblue cast acted so well, they were actually a bunch of lunatics.

"There is nothing to celebrate about, man." Amane kept his arms in a fold, as he looked over Bang sternly.

"Ah-reee?" Bang tilted his head with confusion.

"Tager has left us. In addition to that, Our dishes…our dishes were SHAMEFUL! If you stand there laughing while the red team endures punishment and regroups, our celebration won't last."

Despite his explanation, Bang didn't seem to grasp the situation. He could only grin.

"AHAHAHA! Young man, that was simply a ploy! I, BANG SHISHIGAMI! Would never display my TRUE SKILL right from the get go!"

Amane's face tightened, unsure of the truth behind his words. If he wasn't lying, that would mean he was actually the weakest link.

"Don't sweat it, High Heels. The dumbass' full of shit." Jin stood at the other half of the divider line, looking at his nails. And Ragna had to agree, Bang had always been full of shit. While Amane appreciated the support, he didn't take kindly to his new nickname.

"Excuse me? My name i-"

"How DARE YOU! JIN KISARAGIIIIIII" Bang rudely cut off Amane, earning him more anger from the team.

Hazama was cackling in his bed while browsing the net in his smartphone, probably trolling some poor unsuspecting forum. It figures, he could give less of a shit about team morale. In contrast, Azrael stood up and approached the group.

"Heheheh, what's this? You looking for a fight? Cuz I can give you one…" Azrael cracked his neck, and looked at Bang straight in the eye.

"Ya know how raw fish splatters when you slam on it? That's how you'll end up if you don't shut the fuck up, kid!" Bang, being a dumbass till the end, wasn't about to back down.

"There is NO NEED, DAZZLING GIANT! Today's service will truly prove who deserves to be here!"

Azrael's laugh resonated around the room. Bang was trembling so much, he looked like the lid on a pressure cooker that had gotten way too hot.

"You're a bag of jokes, Shishigami! I'll hold you to that." Relaxing his posture, Azrael headed for the door.

"We should go, before Ramsay chops our sorry asses."

Amane nodded. Regardless of what he thought, there was no point in fueling Bang's tirades. Jin stood up and walked after Azrael, turning his head back so that his eyes met Ragna.

"…So, are we sharing seats?"

"…Fuck off Jin, seriously!" Ragna followed after Jin, and Amane followed shortly after.

That left Bang and Hazama in the room.

"What is THEIR problem! And how dare they just leave me without a word! Aren't they just INDIGNANT, Hazama!?"

Hazama stood up, and left the room.

"HYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARG-"

xxxxxx Meanwhile, with the red team… xxxxxx

The red team stood lined up before Chef Ramsay. Before prep started, he felt the need to introduce a few things.

"Alright ladies. As you know, your punishment is to prep both kitchens for tonight's service."

"Yes, Chef!" Noel shouted from the top of her lungs. Chef Ramsay was not amused, but now wasn't the time to give her a mouthful.

"…Right. In any case, I can't leave Hell's Bitches unsupervised, so it's time for you to meet my two assistant chefs for this season! Come in, you two!"

Rachel's eyes widened as she saw Valkenhayn walk in from the left. Noel's eyes began shining the second Tsubaki entered from the right. As if sensing Noel's yippee, Chef Ramsay held up his hand.

"Now hold the fuck up prom queen!" Noel flinched,

"I've been informed all of you are familiar with these two…but let me tell you: They are under contract to be as mean and hard-ass as they can possibly muster! If you were expecting a pat on the back, you're WRONG!"

Rachel looked at Valkenhayn, but he did not return the gaze. It was unbelievable for her.

"In any case, these are Sous Chef Valkenhayn, and Sous Chef Tsubaki!" The red team nodded.

"And let me tell you something, you lot! Tsubaki here is BLIND! And she STILL cooks a lot better than your sorry asses! So you better get a grip! Understood!?"

"YES, CHEF!" Was heard in a beautiful, symphonic chorus.

"Now fuck off to work!" Chef Ramsay said as he left to meet the men.

The team split, following Valkenhayn's and Tsubaki's instructions on what was needed for today's service. Noel found it very hard to not talk to Tsubaki. But what really bothered her was how Tsubaki didn't seem any trouble not talking to her.

Rachel stared at the potato in her hand. It had been five minutes since prep started, and yet…she kept staring at the potato. How did it come to this? She was supposed to be excellent in all things.

"Hey you! Can't you peel one bloody potato!?" Valkenhayn approached Rachel, indignant.

"Valkenhayn? No, I mean, Yes, I can, ju-"

"Shut your trap! I don't want to hear it! You better begin peeling that potato or I'll have you kicked out myself!"

Rachel gulped, when did Valkenhayn learn to be so fierce towards her? This entire show was a nightmare. She nodded weakly and began peeling the potato.

Kokonoe was getting frustrated at Rachel's slow hand. Even Noel and Platinum were doing their fucking job. And she needn't worry about Litchi and Bullet, they were very capable.

"Hey Prissy Queen! It's been an hour already and you're STILL on the fucking potatoes! Do you even care? How are we going to finish if you work like a fucking SLUG!" Kokonoe fumed. Rachel, however, kept peeling at her usual pace.

"You cannot rush perfection, dear." Yes, perfection. Last challenge was just a fluke.

Kokonoe clenched her teeth as she began slicking her share of vegetables. Maybe if she pretended they were Rachel's spoilt bitchy face she could boost up her production speed by…around four-hundred percent!

xxxxxx Back with the Men xxxxxx

Chef Ramsay wasn't lying when he said FINE DINING RESTAURANT! The restaurant they had lodged in was more like a mansion, and every dish was cooked to perfection. Even Amane couldn't help but relax when presented with such exquisite delicacies.

"But dear GOD Bang! What did you season your fish with? Your sweat?" Everyone in the table laughed at Ramsay's comment. Except Bang, of course…he was only faking it. Chef Ramsay was pretty chill outside the kitchen, giving them advice on how to improve their dishes, and things to keep in mind during services.

"No way Chef! With how Bang cooks, it would've tasted better that way! HYAHAHAHA" Hazama wasn't taking any reservations with the booze and food, knowing it was all on the house.

"Oh bloody hell, that's disgusting!" Chef Ramsay said that, but he still managed to laugh. It seemed Bang had already earnt his spot as the table's butt monkey.

_*Interview with Bang, in tears*_

_"S-SNIFF. I…I worked SO HARD in that dish, and they, HOW DARE THEYYYYYYYYYYYY! I, BANG SHISHIGAMI! Will prove that they are all WRONG! I can cook DELICIOUS FOOD! They…THEY JUST DON'T KNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO-"_

_*End of Interview*_

Ragna didn't feel too bad about coming to Hell's Kitchen now. He had proven he had potential, won his first challenge, and Jin's sexual assaults were quite mild compared to the Blazblue days. Perhaps, just perhaps…he could actually make it through this!

xxxxxxx

"Woooooh, that was SOME meal! Hey Rabbiiiiiiit!" Ragna boasted as he re-entered the kitchen with the rest of the blue team. Rachel looked exhausted, despite only working on the potatoes.

"Oh shut up, Ragna. I don't need your nuisances today."

"Heh, serves you right for being such a bitch! You should've seen the size of that restaurant, makes your castle look like my backyard!"

Rachel glared at Ragna.

"But…I thought you didn't have a backyard…"

"Exactly!" Ragna hopped away from Rachel, who was too broken down to even look upwards and snark back at him. How dare that filth put her down like this? But it was alright. Rachel's tiredness and slowness were all deliberate. She'd be in top condition for today's service, and she'd definitely shine!

xxxxxx

With both teams set in both kitchens, Chef Ramsay faced both teams.

"Alright then, this is our first service…yes? We'll be serving seventy-five diners appetizers and entres…don't fuck this up, yes?"

"YES CHEF!" At least they couldn't fuck up saying that, Chef Ramsay thought.

"Jean Phillipe!"

"Yes chef?"

"Open Hell's Kitchen!"

_*cue scene of the hell's kitchen logo fire turning on*_

And with that, the doors to the lobby were opened by Jean Phillipe. Both kitchens stood there nervously as the first customers began taking their seats. Bang was sweating as usual, stretching his muscles in preparation. Ragna was sweating too, albeit for different reasons: he was nervous.

"RED TEAM! FIRST TICKET!" The girls sprung back to life upon hearing Chef Ramsay's words.

"On Order, for table fourteen! One scallop, two risottos!"

They all stood there, as if waiting for more.

"Oh come on! I SAID ONE SCALLOP TWO RISOTTOS! And you're all just STANDING THERE! MOVE THE FUCK UP!"

"Y-YES CHEF!"

While the girls were finally in action, it seemed no tickets had yet arrived for the blue kitchen. Bang was getting impatient.

"Where's the damn TICKEEEEEEEEEEEE-"

Chef Ramsay stormed into the kitchen, with three tickets in hand.

"You! Hey you! Shut your fucking mouth! I need One Risotto, Three Scallops, and a serving of quail eggs! Move your asses!"

Chef Ramsay spoke so fast, Bang missed the last part. Not wanting to anger Chef Ramsay, he asked Jin.

"Um, what did he say last?"

But Chef Ramsay's ears were not to be underestimated…

"Hey YOU! You, come here you!" Bang gulped, and moved forward.

"It's the FIRST fucking ticket, and you're already FAILING?"

"N-No chef I just didn-"

"Shut the FUCK UP! It's One…Risotto…Three…Scallops…and…a serving…of…quail eggs…DO YOU WANT ME TO WRITE IT DOWN FOR YOU!?"

"N-No chef! Thanks Chef! I'll not do it again ch-"

"JUST MOVE YOUR ASS!"

_*Interview with Bang*_

_"Just as the service started, I was already being shouted at! But BANG SHISHIGAMI doesn't give up! It would be my first, yet last failure! Or I'd get shouted at again! And I tell you that man i-"_

_*End of Interview*_

While the blue kitchen is getting started, Bullet is getting ready to serve her first appetizer.

"I'm walking with the scallops chef!" Bullet placed her dish and walked back to her section. Chef Ramsay inspected it carefully, before…

"BULLET!"

All the eyes in the red kitchen left towards Chef Ramsay.

"Over-cooked scallop!? After your excellent dish earlier!? FUCK OFF! START OVER!"

"Yes Chef." Even when faced with failure, Bullet kept being a soldier.

Regardless of Bullet's slip, Noel hopes her risotto will bring some light to her team.

"W-Walking with the risotto, chef!" Noel placed the plate and walked away. She didn't even want to look at Chef Ramsay's face after the peppered spices incident.

"NOEL!" Chef's shout resonated throughout the entire restaurant. Noel was about ready to cry.

"…..This risotto is perfect! Keep it up!"

*DUN*

Kokonoe, Rachel and Platinum froze, and looked at Noel. Perfect? She…She COOKED something!?"

"Y-Yes chef!" Noel hopped back to her station, ready to work on her next risotto. She had slipped at the challenge, but all that practice was finally starting to show!

While the red kitchen was gaining speed, the blue kitchen was getting ready to start up the engine.

"Walking with the risotto, chef." Azrael didn't need to hope. If there was ONE thing he could not fuck up, it was risotto.

"Excellent Job, Azrael!" It really showed.

Bang, seeing Azrael's success, rushed to get his quail eggs to the pan.

"Oh nooo, OH NOOOOOOOOOOOOO" Chef Ramsay's plight froze Bang's skin.

"Come here! All of you!" The blue team surrounded the pan.

"Look at this shit! It's PLASTIC! I could use this pile of crap as a FUCKING FRISBEE! You can't hear a ticket, you can't cook a fucking egg, IS THIS ALL YOU CAN DO!?"

"NO CHEF! I, BANG SHISHIGAME WIL-"

"SHUT THE FUCK UP! GET BACK IN YOUR SECTION!" Bang flew towards his station to start over. Hazama began cackling in amusement the second Chef Ramsay left to check on the red kitchen.

"HIYAHAHAHAHAAARGHH, YOU REALLY ARE A PIECE OF SHIT YOU KNOW THAT? WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU EVEN HERE? YOU PIECE OF SHITTTTTTTTTT" Ragna grumbled. How did Hazama manage to be such a bitch and not get thrown out? Did he have cams on Ramsay's ass or what? But whatever, he couldn't afford to fuck up his scallops.

"RACHEL! Your risotto's perfect! Excellent!" Rachel's lips formed a sly smile. As long as she performed well in the kitchen, she didn't care about challenges.

That left only Bullet's scallop while the other tickets arrived. Yet she was taking absurdly long.

"Bullet? Where the fuck is the scallop order!? It's been like ten fucking minutes!"

"One minute chef…" She seemed to be fumbling nervously, and chef Ramsay approached her station.

"What the fuck…What the fuck is this!?"

Chef Ramsay pushed Bullet aside, and brung out her bin. One, two, five, eight scallops thrown away.

"How many have you thrown out!? What the fuck!? You can't cook a fucking scallop!? Are you serious!?"

"No chef, I-"

"Hey. Hey! GET OUT OF THE SECTION! You're going on the risottos. PLATINUM! GET ON THIS STATION!"

"Yes Chef!"

Leaving the red kitchen to in Platinum's hands, Chef Ramsay came back just in time for Ragna's scallop triplets.

"Scallops to the pan, chef!"

"…RAGNA!"

Ragna gulped. He was pretty sure the scallops were cooked perfectly. The color was ok, according to that book he bought…

"Perfect! At least this fucking kitchen can cook scallops!"

Ragna sighed in relief. He felt safe, for the time being. Bang passed right past him, taking his second round of eggs.

"Eggs coming, chef!" Chef Ramsay inspected the eggs, and then inspected Bang.

"Cooked perfectly. Now fucking keep it up will ya?" Bang walked back to his station, and grinned right at Azrael. Azrael could only chuckle at his puny attempts to compete.

After Bang's mishap got sorted out, the blue kitchen seemed to be working perfectly. Ticket after ticket of appetizers came, yet they managed to cook all of it. Ragna was honestly surprised. He'd heard all the stories, but perhaps it wouldn't be that b-

"PLATINUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUM" …-ad….

"I can't BELIEVE! It's been seventeen minutes and we haven't completed the FIRST FUCKING TICKET! You can't cook scallops, slutpants can't fucking cook scallops, can none of you fucking cook scallops!?"

"Allow me to get the scallops, chef!" Kokonoe exclaimed. Chef Ramsay pondered it for a second.

"Alright, get the fucking scallops! Move your ass! I can't believe the kitchen froze because of FUCKING SCALLOPS! SHIT!" Chef Ramsay stormed out of the kitchen, leaving Kokonoe with the pressure of solving the scallop dilemma.

Meanwhile, the blue kitchen was heading into entrées.

"Two medium wellington, One Rare Wellington, Two fillet mignon, get on it!"

"Yes chef!"

With their success on the appetizers, Ragna hoped they could keep it up. Jin headed towards the pan with his filer mignon.

"What the fuck is this, Hippie? Undercooked filet? So because you don't like meat you can't fucking cook it!?"

"No chef, I'm sorry ch-"

"I don't fucking care if you're sorry! Don't fuck it up again!"

"Yes, chef!" Ohh shit, Jin was sinking. Even Ragna had to admit that couldn't be good.

*Interview with Jin*

"Hmph…I just don't like meat. Whatever, I can't be beaten just like that."

*End of interview*

As the blue kitchen re-grouped, it was time to check if the kitten could cook the god damn scallops.

"Oh noooo, NO FUCKING WAY! SHIT!" Kokonoe flinched. S-She failed!? But she followed the formula a-

"It's been TWENTY-THREE MINUTES! AND HALF OF YOU CAN'T COOK A FUCKING SCALLOP! Why do the GOOD CHEFS have to suffer because YOU THREE CAN'T COOK FOR SHIT!"

_*Interview with Platinum*_

_"Oh my fucking god I thought he was going to like throw the fucking plate at me! Lunaaa, he wouldn't do that…he's on tv…Shut the fuck up Sena! That guy's mad! MAD!"_

_*End of Interview*_

"I got it, chef!" Litchi placed a plate of scallops in front of the fuming Chef Ramsay.

"What the fuck is this? You were cooking scallops too?"

"I…I didn't trust Kokonoe to get them right." Kokonoe's eyes widened and she gave a bitch stare at Litchi.

_*Interview with Kokonoe*_

_"What a fucking bitch! So if I get em right she shuts her whore mouth, and if I fail she gets to look good? What a "!#%"$#&%#"#R$!-*_

_*End of Interview*_

"You were NOT on the fish station, don't you FUCKING do it again, understand!?"

"Yes, Chef…" Litchi took the hit in stride, feeling the trade off was worth it. Kokonoe snickered at her tits getting shut down.

"But well, now that they're here…They're perfect, Litchi." Litchi smiled, her plan had succeeded.

"Glad you can fucking cook! Let's go!"

While the red kitchen picked up the pace and headed into entrées, the blue kitchen was like a motorboat.

"Excellent Wellington, Pink Ranger!" Amane was glad his first dish worked.

"You finally made the fucking filet, Hippie!" Jin just nodded and walked back to his station.

The blue kitchen was seriously on a roll. It was the best service Ragna could have hoped for. If they kept this up, the grand finals would just be them six with all the women gone!

"RAGNA!" Oh shit.

"Yes chef!"

"The fucking ticket said Halibut, can you tell me what the fuck this is!?" Oh fuck oh shit oh fuck

"It's…John Dory…" fuckfuckfuckfuckfuck

"Can anybody here tell this fucking MORON how a fucking Halibut looks like!?" FFFFFFF

"I will, Chef." Jin said, walking towards Ragna. Like he fucking needed that.

"Good! Move your fucking ass!" As Jin explained what a halibut looked like, Ragna beat himself up internally. He was taking his victory for granted. If he hadn't gotten all cocky he wouldn't have served the fucking wrong fish!

After that mishap, Ragna put his mind into overdrive. With the team working surprisingly well, the blue team actually finished service!

"Great job, Blue Team! My god, this has to be the best blue team I've gotten in fucking years! Keep it up!"

"Yes chef!" Ohh boy, life was good.

"YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS! I, BAN-"

"And you, Musclehead, shut the FUCK UP! I really fucking mean that!" Bang squeaked.

"…Yes chef!"

While the blue team began cleaning up their station, happy with their performance…The red team was still on the hot plate.

"Excellent Salmon, Litchi!"

"This Halibut is cooked perfectly, Bullet!"

"Thank you, Kokonoe! Fucking excellent!"

"Rachel! This chicken is perfectly cooked!"

"…LITCHI! What the fuck is with this Filet? I thought you fucking knew how to cook! START OVER!"

"NOEL! WHAT THE FUCK IS WITH THIS HALIBUT!"

"PLATINUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU-"

Despite a really rough ride, the red team finally finished their first service.

_*cue scene of the hell's kitchen logo fire being put out*_

Both teams are lined up, and Chef Ramsay seems mildly pleased.

"Not the best service. But let me tell you something, I've had a lot of fucking BAD services. At least you both finished it! Unfortunately, there must still be a losing team."

Silence in the room. It wasn't tense, the result was felt in the air.

"The winning team of tonight's service…is the blue team!" The men grinned unanimously. Bang didn't want to shout again and get kicked out, so he just patted Azrael firmly on the back. Azrael chuckled at his soft pat, and gave one hard pat in return; the result being Bang was almost sent flying into Chef Ramsay's face.

The red team wasn't happy at all, unsurprisingly. This surely meant that one of them was leaving tonight.

"Rachel!"

"Yes, Chef!"

"I can say that you had the best performance tonight. So! Go back into the dorms, and pick TWO nominees to be put up for elimination. Now get back to the dorms, all of you!"

"Yes, Chef!"

_*Interview with Rachel*_

_"Hmph. As I said, it was all…saving energy. No way these bitches are gonna stay here longer than me!"_

_*End of Interview*_

With the first service finished, and the blue team earning their first decisive victory…All left for the day was the elimination. Who will Rachel choose? And more importantly, who will Chef Ramsay choose?

Tune in for the next episode…of Hell's Kitchen.


	4. Episode 4 - The first elimination

On the previous episode….of HELL'S KITCHEN!

"_YEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSSS, WE, THE BLUE TEAM, HAVE DEFEATED THOSE VILE WITCHES WITH OUR RAW SPIRIT!" Bang was shouting, and punching the air._

The blue team celebrates their victory…

"_Ya know how raw fish splatters when you slam on it? That's how you'll end up if you don't shut the fuck up, kid!"_

…Somewhat tensely.

"_Hey you! Can't you peel one bloody potato!?" Valkenhayn approached Rachel, indignant._

The women begin prepping for service!

"_Hey Prissy Queen! It's been an hour already and you're STILL on the fucking potatoes! Do you even care? How are we going to finish if you work like a fucking SLUG!" Kokonoe fumed._

And sides are starting to surface! And during service…

"_It's the FIRST fucking ticket, and you're already FAILING?" _

Both teams are off to a rocky start…And on the red team…

"_I got it, chef!" Litchi placed a plate of scallops in front of the fuming Chef Ramsay._

"_What the fuck is this? You were cooking scallops too?" _

Litchi makes plays of her own…

"_You were NOT on the fish station, don't you FUCKING do it again, understand!?"_

…With moderate success.

Despite everything…Both teams completed their service.

"_The winning team of tonight's service…is the blue team!"_

And the men claim their second victory in a row!

"_Rachel!"_

"_Yes, Chef!"_

Leaving Rachel with the task of choosing who will go home…

And now, for the continuation, of Hell's Kitchen!

Xxxxxxx

"Litchi, you fucking slut! What the fuck was that about!?" Kokonoe sent her jacket flying with impressive speed towards the wall. Her claws had come out, along with her ultimate bitch side.

"What do you mean, Kokonoe?" Litchi smiled slily, as she placed her belongings neatly on her assigned cupboard. During prep, Kokonoe and Litchi sharing a room seemed ideal, given their good relation during Blazblue's casting, but it seemed like it just wasn't meant to be.

"Don't play fool you dumb ass whore! 'Nyahnyah chef-sama I thot KOKUNOE couldn't cook da scallops!' What the FUCK, LITCHI!" Kokonoe couldn't tolerate people trying to throw he under the bus. She worked her ass off!

"I worked my fucking ass off!" She really did!

"Oh save it Kokonoe…After all, you couldn't do them in the end…right?" Litchi headed towards the door of their room, she was feeling hungry…and one could not be fed with bitchyness. Kokonoe stood there, flabbergasted.

"Well, I'm going for a snack. See you later, professor!" Litchi shot Kokonoe a warm smile, which just fumed her even more.

"YOU'RE FULL OF SHIT, LITCHI!"

The door closed in her face.

"ARGH! GOD DAMN SLUT!" She kicked her bed several times, shouting all sorts of unspeakable profanity. But whatever, she thought. Despite the scallop mishap, she was nowhere near the worse chef in the red team. Thus, she didn't have much to worry about for the rest of the night.

xxxxxxx

"UWAAAAAAH ! SENAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-" Platinum's cries were interrupted courteously by Bullet pinching her mouth shut.

"Crying won't fix things." Bullet looked at Platinum in the eye, and nodded. There was a brief period of silence, and he let go of Platinum's lips.

"…"

"…BUT AAAAAAAAAAAAA WE SUCKED BULLET HE'S GONNA KICK ME OUT! HE'S GONNA KICK LUNA AND SENA OUT! I DON'T WANNA GO HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO-"

Bullet pinched her lips again.

"Oh my, it seems lively in here." Litchi came walking by, giggling at Platinum's pouty expression. However, she couldn't find the person she was looking for: Rachel.

"Have any of you two seen Rachel? I wish to discuss something with her…" Litchi raised her left hand to her lifts, as if in serious thought.

"Yes. In Noel's room." Bullet nodded as she spoke. She wasn't one for much talking.

"Thank you, I'll be going then." Litchi smiled as she headed toward Noel's room. She didn't smile because of finding Rachel. Rather, she smiled because those two reminded her that she was a great cook, all things considered.

"…A-And that's why I can't pick anybody to go home!" Noel's voice echoed through the hallway, as Litchi peeked over said blonde's room.

"I see…very well then. I hoped you would prove useful in deciding, but I guess not." Rachel toyed with her hair, as she stood up. Litchi retraced back her steps silently, so that she could feign walking into the room just as Rachel left.

"I shall be going then, thank you." Rachel left the room, leaving a perplexed Noel thinking about her words. It's true that she could never pick someone to go home…but what if she won a "best of the worst"? What then?

Xxxxxxx

"My, if it isn't Litchi. What brings you here?" Rachel came face to face with Litchi's impressive cleavage as she stepped outside of the room.

"Oh, nothing at all…I just wanted to talk to you about the nominations…" Litchi's purple eyes gleamed in the dark, contrasting her heavenly face.

Xxxxxx

"HYAHAHAHA! Did you guys thee the FACE on that fucking Grimalkin!? SHIT'S PRICELESS! SHE MUST BE CRYING ON HER PILLOW NOW! HYAHAHAHAHA-"

"Silence, Hazama! You SCOUNDREL! HOW DARE YOU DIRECT YOUR WORD TO WOMEN IN THAT FASHION!" Bang was getting annoyed by Hazama's constant shit-talking about everyone. And just now, he had been unable to take it anymore.

"Oh my fucking god, I'm actually agreeing with Bang." Ragna looked at the sky, as if this sudden revelation had suddenly taken away all of life's joy and meaning. Azrael nodded at Ragna's comment, although his face had seemed to lose its shine as well.

"I agree as well! It is just unprofessional and distasteful to act like that!" Amane proudly backed Bang's comment. But Hazama just kept chuckling.

"You guys are not getting MAD are you? Well, not like I care a fuck! You should all just get MAD at me so you'll slip in service and I'll crush your faces with my food! HUAHUAHUA-HEEHOHA"

"Ughhh shut up! I still don't understand how Chef Ramsay keeps you in his fucking kitchen!" Ragna brung his palm to his forehead. Hazama's laughter always gave him a headache and an unexplainable tingle on his right arm.

"I'll tell you why! Cuz unlike half of you dipshits, I can fucking COOK! It doesn't matter what a dick I am as long as I back it up with my FOOD! Are your fucking manners gonna earn you the two hundred fifty grand!? DIDN'T FUCKING THINK SO!"

Ragna swallowed. It was true: Hazama had only slipped like once in the entire time they'd been there, while the rest had at least three fatal mistakes on their belt. Were they doomed to lose against the biggest douchebag in the kitchen?

"We'll see about that, you can of worms." Azrael's voice broke Hazama's cackling. It was on now.

"Yes, I'll prove that you're not worthy or owning a restaurant with your demeanor!" Amane jumped in.

"INDEED! I WILL NEVER LOSE AGAINST SUCH A SCOUNDREL! WHAT DO YOU SAY, JIN KISARAGI!?"

"Hmph. Whatever. We won and I don't give a shit. I'm going to take a nap." Jin resisted his latent 'Rape Ragna' commands and headed to rest on the couch. While he would never admit it, he couldn't believe how taxing working on a kitchen could be.

Ragna nodded.

"Drop it guys, that douchebag ain't worth the sweat. Let's just leave him to fucking 4chan and outcook the fuck out of him!" Azrael cackled, but Hazama cackled harder.

"Like you FUCKING COULD, YO-"

The conversation was interrupted by a fabulous' Porche's car alarm blaring through all of the men's room.

"What the flying fuck!?" Ragna tried to block out the noise with his hands to no avail.

"Fucking Porches!" Ragna's ear was going to explode. Jin was fucking pissed, he had just gotten on the sofa. And Bang, for some god damn reason, was just laughing along with the alarm.

And then, it stopped. Over the guys, Valkenhayn's voice resonated.

"You worthless scum! Chef Ramsay orders you all to head to the meeting room! HURRY! For the ladies are already there! AND I MEAN MOVE YOUR SORRY BEHINDS!"

And so, his voice dissipated.

"Fucking shit a man can't fucking get some beauty sleep. I'm so fed up with this horse shit." Jin raced out of the room, and Ragna grinned at Jin's suffering. Amane nodded empathically, as if he too knew the sorrow of not taking a beautifying nap.

Without a word, they all followed after Jin.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

The twelve contestants were lined up, the six women to the right of Chef Ramsay, and the six men to the left. An ominous beat with some synth shit was playing in the background, and it made Ragna feel a bit nervous.

Well, not really. He was calm as fuck.

Noel, on the other hand, was having a bullet dance of sweat. He looked at the women and, despite personal bias, it was very tough to see which one would get sent home.

"Alright madam, have you chosen your nominees?"

"Yes, chef." Litchi's smile reached her ears. After meeting with Rachel, she had put up quite a convincing argument, which all but signaled Bullet and Platinum as the weakest links in their team. And there really was nothing to contend with that statement.

"Alright, who's your first nominee?" Rachel smiled, and let the name flow like the wind.

"Litchi, chef." Litchi's eyes widened instantly, and her face went pale. Hell, her boobs went pale.

"…Litchi? Why's that?" Chef Ramsay shot her a questioning look.

"Because of the scallop incident…I believe it proved Litchi isn't a team player at all, which could really hurt the team." Litchi wanted to scream, but she couldn't. What the hell was this? Kokonoe, right next to her, wanted to scream as well…but with joy.

"Alright then…who's your second nominee?"

"Kokonoe, chef." That joy suddenly turned to anger.

"What the FUCK, RACHEL!?" Kokonoe, unlike Litchi, lacked control.

"Hey you missy! You'll get your chance to speak! Now shut the FUCK UP!" Kokonoe gritted her teeth. She wanted to leave Rachel bald, with her claws as the scissor.

"But…KOKONOE? Why the hell is that?"

"Well Chef, as you just saw, her temper is quite detrimental to our team's coordination. She also failed to cook the scallops despite stating she was capable of doing so…" Chef Ramsay looked at Rachel questioningly, but let out a sigh.

Ragna's shoulder was nudged by Jin's elbow.

"Hazama made us popcorn, said shit would get good…want some…brother?" Ragna could see that the rest of the men indeed carried popcorn bags with them.

"Eh, what the hell. I'll bite." Ragna leaned over and grabbed the bag. At least he had something to eat with his drink now.

"Dear oh dear…Kokonoe! Litchi! Step forward!" The two, trembling for different reasons, stepped forward…standing next to Chef Ramsay's judgment, Litchi felt like she might just cry.

"Litchi! Why should you stay in Hell's Kitchen?"

"Chef! I've demonstrated I have talent, and while I may be a bit imprudent at times, I have shown I'm able to step up and move the team forward, chef! Despite my mistakes, I am a capable cook and I deserve to be here, chef."

"That last sentence sure lacked bloody exclamation."

"I DESERVE TO BE HERE, CHEF!" Litchi shrieked.

"Woah woah calm the fuck down big tits!" Ragna spit out his drink. Litchi's boobs paled again.

"Kokonoe! Why the hell should you stay in Hell's Kitchen?"

Kokonoe cleared her throat.

"CHEF! I think I have proved I am a capable cook! I make mistakes but I fucking own up to them, chef! Even if I don't get along with certain BITCHES on the team I always coordinate with them to get our plate to service in an organized-"

Ragna kept munching on the popcorn. Damnnn was this popcorn made by Chef Ramsay Corn?

"Also, no matter my temper I always shut the fuck up whe-"

"Do you think we'll get to sleep today?" Amane asked Ragna while putting a handful of popcorn in his mouth. Ragna shrugged.

"While I may fail sometimes I think I have demonstrated leadership qualities because I don't fucking THROW PEOPLE UNDER THE BU-"

Hazama took out his smartphone, and began playing Angry Birds.

"…That is why I think I should stay in Hell's Kitchen, chef!"

Chef Ramsay took out a handkerchief from his pocket, and wiped the sweat off his brow.

"Oh my god, so you're done…yes?" Kokonoe gulped.

"Let me tell you something, all of you! This competition is to choose the head chef for my new restaurant in Kagutsuchi. Thus, above all else, I'll send home people I feel aren't up to par to manage it, do you all understand?"

The twelve participants nodded. Chef Ramsay stood there, in thought. Jean Phillipe brung over an Egyptian fan, and begun swinging it to try and make him feel more comfortable.

"What the fuck Jean Phillipe. Get the fuck out with that bloody broom!" Jean Phillipe eeped, and ran away. Noel gave a loving sigh.

"…I've made my decision." Ragna reached over to eat more popcorn, but the bag was empty. Fuck.

"The person I've decided should leave Hell's Kitchen…"

*closeup of Chef Ramsay's face*

"…who doesn't deserve to manage my new restaurant…"

*closeup of Litchi's pale face. However, the camera slowly begins drifting lower and lower…*

"…is…"

*closeup of Kokonoe's sweating face*

"…Platinum! Take off your jacket, and leave Hell's Kitchen!"

Ragna stole Jin's popcorn and shoved it down. Litchi –and Kokonoe's- eyes widened at the realization of what was happening. Hazama used his fedora to muffle his laughter…

And Platinum just stood there, in shock.

"I'm sorry Platinum…But the truth is you crack too easy under pressure. You need more experience. Now come over."

Platinum sniffled as she walked past Bullet. Bullet's eyes got watery, as the one person she spent time with in this competition began to leave her side.

"T-Thank you Chef Ramsay. Luna…and Sena thought…it was great…" Platinum took off her jacket, handed it over to Chef Ramsay, and ran away from the room.

Bang broke out in tears, sobbing about his 'cute little disciple', and how he had failed everyone in Ikaruga. EVERYONE.

"*sigh* Remember ladies…You may nominate…but the final vote is mine! Trying to get rid of the competition already Rachel? For fucking shame."

Rachel blushed. She had gotten busted.

"Now get back to your dorms and get some sleep! Tomorrow's going to be a long day!"

"Yes, chef!" They cried in unison.

"Now piss off!"

As the eleven contestants walked back to the dorms, the camera focused once more on Platinum leaving behind her cooking utensils, and walking down the long hallway of disqualification…as her voice played her last words in this competition.

"Luna tried really hard…it *sniff*, it wasn't enough but…At least she defeated that slut Taokaka! Luna will never end up last!"

The elimination out of the way, the first day at Hell's Kitchen has finally ended. With three chefs already out, who will earn the title of Head Chef at the new Kagutsuchi Fine Diner?

Keep tuned for the next episode…of Hell's Kitchen.


	5. Episode 5 - Shrimp, and more shrimp!

On the previous episode….of HELL'S KITCHEN!

"_Don't play fool you dumb ass whore! 'Nyahnyah chef-sama I thot KOKUNOE couldn't cook da scallops!' What the FUCK, LITCHI!" Kokonoe couldn't tolerate people trying to throw her under the bus. She worked her ass off!_

"_I worked my fucking ass off!"_

Tensions arise between Litchi and Kokonoe!

"_YOU'RE FULL OF SHIT, LITCHI!"_

_Lots _of tension.

"_UWAAAAAAH ! SENAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-" Platinum's cries were interrupted courteously by Bullet pinching her mouth shut._

The women come to terms with their loss!

"_My, if it isn't Litchi. What brings you here?" Rachel came face to face with Litchi's impressive cleavage as she stepped outside of the room._

And backstage developments begin to surface!

"_Silence, Hazama! You SCOUNDREL!"_

"_Oh my fucking god, I'm actually agreeing with Bang." Ragna looked at the sky, as if this sudden revelation had suddenly taken away all of life's joy and meaning._

Meanwhile, the men begin getting fed up with Hazama's nonsense!

"_Fucking shit a man can't fucking get some beauty sleep. I'm so fed up with this horse shit." Jin raced out of the room, and Ragna grinned at Jin's suffering._

Well, some of the men.

DURING ELIMINATION!

_Alright, who are your nominees?" Rachel smiled, and let the name flow like the wind._

"_Litchi, chef. And, Kokonoe, chef."_

People get BACKSTABBED! And GENERALLY STABBED!

_The person I've decided should leave Hell's Kitchen…"_

"…_Platinum! Take off your jacket, and leave Hell's Kitchen!" _

But Rachel's plan backfired…! The first elimination now over, follow us over…

for the continuation, of Hell's Kitchen.

xxxxxxx

Amane laid on his back, enjoying the comfort of a Hell's Kitchen dorm bed. The mattress seemed to be made tailored for all his small quirks and desires. If he didn't know so many handsome people, he might just marry this mattress instead. Dear goodness, who designed this mattress? He could feel himself being at least four years younger by n-

"WAKE THE BLOODY HELL UP, YE SACKS OF DUNG!" Valkenhayn shouted as he clashed two trash can lids together in a cymbal fashion.

"Oh noooooo, OH NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO" Amane grabbed his pillow, and attempted to cover his ears with it. Valkenhayn forced the pillow out of his hands.

"THAT'S CHEF RAMSAY'S LINE YOU TWAT! NOW GET MOVING!" Unable to bear the noise anymore, Amane jumped out of bed, heading for the showers.

xxxxxxx

"RISE AND SHINE, HELL'S BITCHES, THE SUN IS UP!" Taking a deep breath, Tsubaki blew into a giant trumpet, waking up all of the women in one fell swoop.

"KYAAAAAAAAAA! TSUBAKI! WHY DID YOU DO THAAAAAAAT" Noel, being startled awake, let a few tears of fear escape out of her eyes as she pulled herself together.

"YOU'RE FUCKING BLIND HOW DO YOU EVEN KNOW, JESUS FUCK!" Kokonoe removed her blindfold, her morning hair taking the shape of an ungodly afro. God she hated being waked up early.

"Chef Ramsay's orders! Everybody in the kitchen, now! Shower and be there as fast as you can!" After making sure everybody had woken up, Tsubaki left the women to her fate.

"Fucking blind hoe. This place sucks so fucking much." Kokonoe spouted as she rushed to jump into the shower. To her surprise, Bullet was already in.

"My, she sure didn't complain at all, did she now?" Rachel said as the rest of the women began to form a line near the bathroom door.

"Shove it bitch, I don't even want to look at your face right now." Kokonoe was still quite angry at Rachel's nomination the night before.

"Now Kokonoe, that is no way to treat your team members…" Litchi jumped in, trying to keep team morale stable.

"You really are a snake, Litchi." Rachel smiled mischievously.

"First you try to convince me to nominate Platinum and Bullet, and now you're here saying we should all just get along." Brushing her hair with one hand, Rachel smirked at Litchi's indignant face.

"I…I was just trying to reach the most logical consensus! And, if you heard Chef Ramsay, I suggested the correct people in the end!"

"Whatever big tits, whatever bitch, I'm fucking done with you two!" Kokonoe didn't give any of the two a chance to enter the bathroom as Bullet rushed out, fully dressed.

"?" With a confused face, Bullet saw Kokonoe enter the bathroom. Shrugging, she walked over to Noel, leaving Rachel and Litchi in an awkward moment.

"Uwaaa, Bullet…why is our team always fighting?" Noel sighed in depression as she toyed with one of the panda plushies she had brought to the competition. It reminded her of Litchi's, although unfortunately she hadn't seen him during the competition.

"I don't know." Bullet sat down next to Noel, oogling her panda plush. Noel felt uncomfortable, presented with someone so well endowed in her vicinity. But, being the only civil person in the dorm, she felt this was as good as it was going to get.

xxxxxx

"AMANE! When the FUCK are you going to get out of the shower!?" Ragna kicked the door in disgust. In his mind, it was impossible for a man to take showers that lasted more than ten minutes.

"AHEHEHEHEHE! I, BANG SHISHIGAMI, AM TRIUMPHANT ONCE AGAIN!" Entering the room in only a towel, all eyes were on the Ikaruga ninja.

"How in the world did you bathe, scruff?" Azrael scratched the back of his head, genuinely curious.

"There is a bathroom in the hallway! There is NO SHOWER! Yes…but I simply used the sink! NOW SMELL ME, SMELL MY GLORIOUS CLEANNESS!" Bang jumped over Hazama, who simply dodged without another thought.

"Don't touch me, YOU PIECE OF SHIT!" Hazama stood up and left the room. He and Jin had already bathed, and Ragna thought they only stayed out of courtesy…yeah right. Jin kept staring daggers at him, and he could never shake off the awkwardness of it.

"What is THE MATTER with that RUDE MAN!" Bang stood up, shaking off the non-existent dust out of his wet muscly arms. Opening the cabinet with his clothes, Bang actually managed to stay quiet as he dressed himself.

"I think that bastard's bipolar or some shit. Yesterday's all laughs and now he's on his fucking period." Ragna shook his head, as Amane finally left the bathroom.

"Oh man, that was a great shower. All yours, boys!" Putting on his blue team jacket, Amane left the room.

"Not even a "sorry I took long?" Jesus!" Ragna headed towards the bathroom, but Azrael had already jumped in and slammed the door shut.

"NO WORRIES, BLOODEDGE! I, BANG SHISHIGAMI, will accompany you until it is your turn!" Jin, who had moved next to Bang, nodded in approval.

"FFFFFUUUUUUUUUUU-"

xxxxxx

"Dear oh dear, it took you all thirty minutes to come downstairs…Thirty minutes! Bloody shameful." Chef Ramsay stood before the remaining eleven contestants.

The men looked over at Amane, who was unaware of the resentment directed at him. On the women's side, Bullet and Noel served as a wall between Rachel, Litchi and Kokonoe.

"Well, whatever. For today's challenge, we have…" Chef Ramsay clapped his hands, and the dining room's floor split open, revealing a hidden hangar containing a large container with ice shrimp.

"Hmph. Nice." Jin muttered over the science noises as the tank rose to the surface.

"I fucking heard that, you fucking hippie!" Chef Ramsay shouted over the science noise.

"Yes, Chef." Jin closed his eyes, and imagined a more wonderful world. One were JinXRagna was a canon pairing.

When the noises ceased, Chef Ramsay moved towards the container. Clapping, Jean Phillipe brought over a small wooden table for demonstrative purposes.

"Now, just in case one of you donkeys can't fucking clean shrimp, this is the proper procedure. PLEASE observe carefully!" Everyone nodded. Except Tsubaki.

After removing the head and outer shell, Chef Ramsay broke the silence.

"And the most important part…this vein on the outer body. It's literally full of shit. You MUST take out this vein or the shrimp is just unacceptable." Everyone shouted 'Yes, Chef!'.

"Alright then! You have fifteen minutes. Grab and try to clean PERFECTLY all the shrimp you can. The team with most clean shrimp wins! Men, you're one man over. Who's sitting out?"

"Me, Chef!" Before the author could even explain Ramsay's thoughts, Hazama had already bailed.

"You? Why's that? You're one of the men's best chefs!"

"Let's just say I TRUST MY TEAM AHAHA HUAHAU HOOHOHO-"

"Shut the fuck up, Hazama! Bloody hell!" Hazama pinched his lips shut, and walked to the little chair in the corner of the room.

"Heh, what a waste of life." Azrael cracked his fists, preparing himself for the challenge.

"I'm so getting more shrimp than you, Rachel!" Kokonoe shoved away Noel just to start a fight.

"As if your filthy hands could ever clean ANYTHING." Rachel said indignant as Chef Ramsay saw Hazama walk to the corner.

"Now then…your time starts…now!" No sooner had the words left Chef Ramsay's mouth, Bang propelled into the air like a torpedo, maneuvering masterfully before landing in front of the container. Grabbing about 20 shrimps with his scarf, he flew back to the table.

"Holy crap, if only his entrees flew out of the kitchen that fast." Chef Ramsay wiped the sweat out of his brow.

Putting aside Bang's antics aside, the rest of the participants had grabbed a few shrimp and begun the task of cleaning.

"Ewww, EWWWWWWWWWW-" Noel whispered to herself as she removed the veins from the shrimp. She was quite terrified of soiling her nails with that…thing.

"SHISHIGAMI NINPO, SHRIMP CLEANING ART!" Bang mustered as he began cleaning the shrimp at an amazing speed. Ragna was mesmerized.

"We so have this in the bag, guys." Ragna said as he carefully cleaned his shrimp.

"It's Bang for fucks sake. I'm not trusting his shrimp." Jin uttered as he tried to keep up with Bang's speed.

"What's this? We're racing now? EXCELLENT!" An aura of power overcame Azrael, as his cuts' speed increased dramatically.

"N-Now guys, it's important to put care and love into your food!" Amane had not joined the "festivities" at all, he kept working at a snail's pace.

Over in the red kitchen, it's not surprising Kokonoe attempted to start a race as well.

"Oh please, Kokonoe. Leave your childish antics outside of the kitchen." Rachel, unwilling to admit her disgust at the task, diligently kept working on her shrimp.

"Rachel's right. Work." Bullet said, as she too worked slowly on her shrimp.

"Come the fuck on guys! Look at the men! They're going at like triple speed!" Kokonoe uttered as she attempted to cut the heads of her shrimp faster.

"Haste makes waste!" Litchi smiled as she worked on her shrimp. Despite what she said, Kokonoe noticed Litchi was working at a surprisingly fast speed.

"Man, fuck all of you. If we lose it's all on you guys!" Kokonoe cursed as she resumed her work.

"TIME'S UP!" Chef Ramsay clapped, and the lights turned off, ensuring nobody would continue cutting the shrimp. Clapping again, he turned on the lights.

"Let us count the shrimp, yes? Send me one tray from each team at a time."

Jin stepped forward, placing his tray in front of Chef Ramsay. Noel, shivering, decided to face Jin in the challenge.

"G-Good luck Ji-"

"SHUT THE FUCK UP YOU PIECE OF TRASH!" Jin scowled. Chef Ramsay twitched.

"Hey. Hey YOU! Don't you FUCKING DARE do that shit again. Or I'm throwing you out of here. DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME!?" Jin didn't flinch.

"Yes, Chef."

"Good! Save your fucking high school SHIT for the dorms! Have a little respect!"

"Yes, Chef." Jin's face was still as cold as the shrimp.

"…Now, back to the fucking challenge." Chef Ramsay had decided to start by Noel's tray first.

"Perfect, good start!" Chef said as he judged the first out of fourteen shrimp Noel had brought him. Noel smiled weakly.

"Good, Shit!, Good…Excellent…What is this fucking piece of crap? Good!" At the end of the deal, Noel had scored nine out of fourteen.

"Could be much better, could be much worse. Decent job." Noel nodded happily. She hadn't screwed her team!

"Now for the rude hippie boy…" Jin had brought thirty shrimp during his race with Bang. Noel stared in worry…and amazement.

"Look at that. This one STILL has the vein with all the shit in it! Fucking shameful." Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit. Good. Shit. Despite Jin's advantage in quantity, the quality left much to desire.

"Five. Out of FUCKING THIRTY! What's wrong with you!? What's the point of bringing me a million IF THEY'RE ALL SHIT!?" Chef Ramsay threw the empty tray like a Frisbee. Jean Phillipe wasted no time in catching it masterfully.

"Nine to Five, yes? Next trays!" Litchi and Ragna stepped forward.

"Oh my god. Perfect. A perfect twenty out of twenty, Litchi!" Litchi bowed, blushing at the compliment. Cleaning shrimp was just one of those things she couldn't get wrong.

"Now for the old man…" Ragna had brought twenty eight shrimp. Out of them, sixteen were acceptable. Ragna sighed. He almost matched Litchi's score, but now the gap had grown even larger.

"Twenty-Nine to Twenty-One! Next!" Bullet and Azrael stepped forward.

"Let's start with Azrael…Dear oh dear, How many shrimp are there?"

"Forty-two, Chef!" Azrael chuckled. Ramsay, terrified by the men's previous performances, was astonished by the results.

"Thirty-six out of forty-two…In 15 minutes. I would never admit this, but I may be outmatched!" Azrael took the compliment in stride.

"Thank you, Chef. It is quite the honor."

Moving on to Bullet's thirty shrimp, twenty four proved to meet Chef Ramsay's standards.

"Dear oh dear. Fifty-Three to Fifty-Seven! It's getting good now! Next!" Chef Ramsay exclaimed as Amane and Rachel stepped forward.

"Let's start with the prima-donna…Er…The female one." Chef Ramsay nodded to himself. Amane rolled his eyes. Rachel handed Chef Ramsay…eight shrimp.

"Eight fucking shrimp in fifteen minutes? For fucking real!?" Rachel hung her head. Wait a second. Eight? Rachel was sure she had only put seven on the tray. Regardless of that, she felt the need to defend her shrimp.

"I worked with the utmost patience and dedication to ensure they would al-"

"Save the fucking excuses, gothic queen. These eight shrimp better be fucking perfect!" Swallowing, Rachel saw as seven shrimp, HER seven shrimp, made it perfectly past the Ramsay Scanner. However, there was one shrimp unaccounted for. Looking over, she didn't see anything in Litchi or Kokonoe's face that would signal guilt.

"And…perfect! Eight perfect shrimp. Big fucking doo. Work on that speed, madam!"

"Yes, chef!" Looking over, she saw Bullet smiling at her. What was this? Why had Bullet put an extra shrimp on her tray?

"Now. For the other prima donna!" Ragna chuckled a bit, although he felt a bit sorry for Amane, who was already blushing. Amane handed Chef Ramsay his fifteen shrimp.

"One per minute eh? Let's see…" Twelve out of Amane's shrimp made the pass, bringing the total to…

"Sixty-One to Sixty-Nine!" Kokonoe was getting tired of all the Nines thrown around. She was ready to finish this challenge!

Kokonoe and Bang stepped forward. Both presented a behemoth of a tray, each bolstering around seventy shrimp. Both teams stared intently, as their fate lay on the most hasteful, and wasteful members of their team.

"By the love of my mother, how many shrimp were in that hangar?" Turning around, Chef Ramsay saw that the hangar still seemed to be pretty much full. Jesus, were the shrimp reproducing as they spoke?

"Anyways…Let's start." Chef Ramsay felt like he was going to puke when he was done.

"Nine. NINE out of SEVENTY. NINE! NIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINE!" Kokonoe scowled. Just what she fucking needed.

"And don't give me face, madam! This is fucking disgraceful! YOU'RE DISGRACEFUL!" Kokonoe winced, as Chef Ramsay threw her tray to the floor. Sighing, Chef Ramsay moved over to Bang's tray.

"If Bang can get two fucking clean shrimp, the men win…yes?" Silence reigned supreme.

Taking the first out of Bang's shrimp, Chef Ramsay frowned.

"This one STILL HAS THE HEAD! Oh no…OH NOOOOOOOOO-"Amane's lips turned upside down, as the line reminded him of his rude awakening.

"This is going to be a fucking long day, is it not? Fuck me, you're a fucking joke." Chef Ramsay said as he kept throwing dirty, useless shrimp at Bang's face. And another. And another. Ragna began sweating. Just two. They just needed TWO SHRIMP.

"And lo and behold, one fucking clean shrimp!" Chef Ramsay exclaimed when he reached around the halfway point on Bang's tray. Amane got a migraine, and Azrael seemed quite worried. Ragna was sweating bullets. The girls weren't faring any better.

Noel wanted to bite her nails, but they had gotten…dirty despite her precautions.

"No! NO! NOOOOOO! SHIT! FUCK!" Chef Ramsay kept throwing useless shrimp all over the place. Ragna could swear he saw some of Chef Ramsay's golden hairs slowly transition into a snowy white.

"ONE! ONE FUCKING SHRIMP OUT OF SEVENTY! YOU TWO! You're fucking SHIT! Do you want to go home RIGHT NOW!? I'm this close, THIS CLOSE to throwing BOTH OF YOU OUT!" Bang and Kokonoe flinched.

"No, chef! Won't ever happen again, chef!"

The men paled. Despite the amazing lead bestowed upon by Azrael, Bang had managed to single-handedly lose the game for the men.

"Sigh..well…regardless! Congratulations, red team! You're the winners of today's challenge!" Noel's high pitched squeals as she hugged Bullet spread across the room. Putting aside their differences, Rachel and Litchi managed to smile to each other- they even smiled at Kokonoe…although she wasn't in the mood.

But across all the superficial smiles, Rachel and Bullet shared a secret grin. Surely they'd discuss the event later.

The men just stared at Bang, who was crying, curled up in the floor. They also glared at Hazama, who approached the losers with a smile.

"Ladies! For today's reward, I have arranged a fantastic scuba-diving trip near the coast! Go upstairs and get ready-our private jet awaits us!" The women cheered, and ran off to dress. As they left, Chef Ramsay grinned at the men.

"Your punishment, men! And yours too, Hazama! I want this dorm sparkling. I want it so sparkling that pale madam will feel like in a fucking Twilight book! And THEN, you'll start working on prep in advance to be joined by the ladies as we return. Understood!?"

"Yes, Chef!"

"Now fuck off to work!"

xxxxx

Recovering from their slum, the women manage to secure a victory! As the men grudgingly resign to their fate, the approaching service looms over everybody's mind…

Tune in, for the next episode…of Hell's Kitchen!


	6. Filler 1 - The Beach Brawl

*Disclaimer: I just had to write this now or there would be no chance ever in the future!

Chapters with the header "Filler" are optional and can be skipped freely. They serve as a small break from the typical Hell's Kitchen while still interacting with the cast.*

xxxx

PREVIOUSLY, ON HELL'S KITCHEN!

"_RISE AND SHINE, HELL'S BITCHES, THE SUN IS UP!" Taking a deep breath, Tsubaki blew into a giant trumpet, waking up all of the women in one fell swoop._

"_YOU'RE FUCKING BLIND HOW DO YOU EVEN KNOW, JESUS FUCK!" Kokonoe removed her blindfold, her morning hair taking the shape of an ungodly afro._

It's a new day in hell!

"_Fucking blind hoe. This place sucks so fucking much." Kokonoe spouted._

Things are looking up!

"_AMANE! When the FUCK are you going to get out of the shower!?" Ragna kicked the door in disgust._

Drama for the showers!

"_There is a bathroom in the hallway! There is NO SHOWER! Yes…but I simply used the sink! NOW SMELL ME, SMELL MY GLORIOUS CLEANNESS!" Bang jumped over Hazama._

Although some men…think about the box!

"_Dear oh dear, it took you all thirty minutes to come downstairs…Thirty minutes! Bloody shameful." Chef Ramsay stood before the remaining eleven contestants._

_R_egardless, the next challenge, involving cutting shrimp, begins without delay!

"_SHISHIGAMI NINPO, SHRIMP CLEANING ART!" Bang mustered as he began cleaning the shrimp at an amazing speed._

"_Haste makes waste!" Litchi smiled as she worked on her shrimp._

Both teams put up a valiant fight!

"_Five. Out of FUCKING THIRTY! What's wrong with you!? What's the point of bringing me a million IF THEY'RE ALL SHIT!?"_

"_Eight fucking shrimp in fifteen minutes? For fucking real!?"_

"_Nine. NINE out of SEVENTY. NINE! NIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINE!" Kokonoe scowled._

"_ONE! ONE FUCKING SHRIMP OUT OF SEVENTY! You're fucking SHIT!"_

…Or not.

"_Congratulations, red team! You're the winners of today's challenge!"_

The ladies have finally achieved their first victory! What awaits them at the luxurious scuba diving resort?

Without further ado, the continuation…of Hell's Kitchen!

xxxxx

"KYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!" Noel's high pitched scream tore through the very fabric of time and space. The beach's waves rippled, whales nudged their heads in confusion, and Jin, despite being kilometers away, frowned without a discernible reason.

Everybody else weren't kilometers away, though.

"N-Noel, why are you-"

"What the flying fuck, you fucking bitch!? Look at these cat ears, THEY CAN'T TAKE YOUR SHIT!" Litchi's well intentioned question was interrupted by Kokonoe's vile word venom. Bullet, despite being Noel's friend, quietly nodded.

"Simply barbaric! Unbeleivable." Rachel had just gotten done setting up her parasol, towel and pillow. Sun? That was for bitches.

"Holy crap Noel, you haven't shouted like that in years!" Tsubaki approached the group, in a voluptuous and very revealing bikini. Kokonoe grit her teeth, but Noel was too busy being happy to face her insecurities.

"TSUBAKI! Did…Did you get the day off!?" Noel's eyes shined, and Tsubaki giggled in return.

"Yeah, hehehe. I get to be nice for one afternoon! Oh, by the way, sorry for the hell's bitches thing…I'm under contract." The girls nodded, understanding that a job was a job.

"Why were you screaming though, Noel?" Tsubaki tilted her head.

"Look! At the floor! It's a little baby crab! IT'S SO CUTE!" Noel jumped up and down. Tsubaki just looked at her, sulking.

"Noel…I'm blind." The group froze.

"W-Wha? Y-You mean that isn't some rating gimmick!?" Noel teared up. How could she not notice her best friend was blind?

"I-I don't blame you, Noel…I'm really good at moving around, so…" Before Tsubaki could finish, Noel was already hugging her, and bawling apologies nonstop.

"I'm so sorry, TSUBAKIIIIII! UWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-"

Xxxxx

"Chef Ramsay! One of the girls is crying!" Jean Philippe ran desperately towards Chef Ramsay, out of breath.

"So?" He replied, as he finished paying up for the scuba gear.

"T-This is their reward, sir! It's not like in the kitchen, we can't just let them cry!" Jean was truly devoted to fine women, and this was simply unacceptable.

"Well fuck me. How about this, yes?" As Chef Ramsay told Jean his idea, a dark shadow loomed over the water.

Xxxxx

"KYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-"

"Oh fucking shit Noel, what the flying fuck is it THIS TIME!?" Kokonoe's sand castle had fallen over from Noel's scream's soundwaves.

"IT'S JEAN PHILLIPE! IN A JETPACK! OH MY GOD ITS JEAN PHILLIPE IN A JETPACK!" Noel's tears evaporated instantly from the sheer fangirl aura protruding from every one of her pores.

"Oh gods, how do I push the brakes on this thing!?" Jean Philippe, after doing a pirouette, had noticed he forgot to ask Chef Ramsay for the full set of instructions.

"IAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA" Jean shrieked as Noel's smile turned upside down. He was falling, quickly, towards a gigantic black shadow in the water.

"G-Girls! We have to save him!" Noel shouted.

"Not swimming while blind, Noel." Tsubaki retorted.

"Nope." Kokonoe kept working on rebuilding her sand kingdom.

"I can't swim…" Litchi chimed, worried about Jean's fate.

"I don't give a bloody damn." Rachel flipped through the pages of her tea magazine.

"…I have to pee." Bullet walked away from the group, straight into the ladies room."

"Y-YOU ALL SUCK!" Noel rushed to the water in determination as Jean finally fell to the ocean.

"Oh dear, what's going on?" Chef Ramsay approached Noel, scuba gear in hand.

No sooner had he said this, the ground below them had begun shaking violently.

"I-Iaaah, E-Earthquake!" Noel panicked.

"This is no earthquake, missy! Look!" Pointing over to Jean's landing point, the water had begun to surface.

"RRRRRRRRRRRRRRROAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRR RRRRFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF" A giant kraken emerged from the water, a wet and drippy Jean wrapped in one of its hundred tentacles.

"KYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-"

xxxx

"Man, I bet the girls are having so much fucking fun right now." Ragna sulked as he scrubbed the toilet.

"Shut up and let's get this done with alright? I'm already ruining my nails." Amane pleaded as he sprayed the windows with cleaning solution.

Xxxx

"IT'S JEAN PHILLIPE WRAPPED IN SLIMY TENTACLE- NO, I MEAN… UM, DAMN IT!" Noel materialized her twin guns, further perplexing the already in awe Chef Ramsay.

"OPTIC BARREL!" A small surge of energy materialized near one of the Kraken's tentacles, and viciously exploded!

Having no noticeable effect.

"Seriously, Miss? Is that a bloody NERF gun or what?" Shaking his head, Chef Ramsay took a step forward.

"RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-"

"Oh shut the fuck up, will ya?" Chef Ramsay glared at the Kraken, who viciously swung a tentacle towards him.

Jumping meters above the strike, Chef Ramsay hovered safely over the Kraken.

"Your lunges…are…FUCKING RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAW!" Dive-kicking at incredible speeds, Chef Ramsay's kick completely obliterated the Kraken's tentacle, causing it to cry out in pain and drop Jean. The cut off tentacle exploded into a million pieces, and sushi rained from the heavens into the plates of hungry tourists all over the country.

"JEAAAAN!" Noel dove into the water, propelling herself to take hold of the panicking Jean.

"It's alright! Just hold on to me!" Noel said in haste, not noticing the Kraken swinging several tentacles in her direction.

"MISSY! WATCH OUT!" Despite being motherfucking Chef Ramsay, he wouldn't be able to reach Noel in time. However, she was barely able to react, avoiding lethal damage as the tentacles slammed into the water.

"KYAAAAAAA!" Jean and Noel shouted in unison as they shot into the air, and fell near the shore. The Kraken, bloodthirsty, prepared to finish them off.

"N-NOEL! I MUST PROTEEEEEEEEEEEECT-" Tsubaki began shining, a radiant aura of white emanating from her.

"Bloody hell, is this woman evolving!?" Chef Ramsay said as he put a hand over his eyes.

Standing in a trademarked Hell's Kitchen Mecha Bikini, Izayoi pointed her sword at the Kraken.

"I am Izayoi, motherfucker! And I…see you!" Chef Ramsay and Noel gaspED.

"Y-You mean!?"

"Yes…I CAN SEE!" Lunging forward, Izayoi cut off several of the Kraken's tentacles, causing it to shriek in unimaginable pain.

"TAKE THIIIIIII-" Izayoi's hot-blooded shout was cut off as a spray of ink hit her face, causing her to fall to the ground.

"GOD DAMN IT, I'M BLIND AGAIN." Izayoi rubbed the ink out of her eyes, unable to defend from the Kraken.

"TSUBAKIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!" Noel shouted as she, too, began shining in white light.

"What the fuck is going on." Chef Ramsay scratched his head as Noel's ass came into plain view, various metal swords hovering around her. Or rather, Mu's ass.

"FUCK YOU, KRAKEN! I FINALLY see Jean in a bathsuit-jetpack, Tsubaki can FINALLY see again, I can't FUCKING COOK AND YOU'RE RUINING EVERYTHING FOR FUCKS SAKE!"

Everybody, including the Kraken, stared with their jaw open as Noel let out her pent up emotions in a fit of rage.

"BUT YOU KNOW WHAT I CAN COOK? FUCKING SQUID! TAKE THIS YOU DOODLY YANKEE PANSY RANCID SACK OF SHIT!" Noel swung her ass, causing a myriad of energy swords to impale the Kraken a million times, turning the beautiful coast into a sea of blood and sashimi.

"…Well fuck me." Chef Ramsay threw his hands into the air, and moved towards Jean.

"You okay, Philippe?" Chef Ramsay held his hand for Jean to grab.

"C-Chef? You care about me!?" Jean's hopes were dashed as Chef Ramsay chuckled.

"Haha. No. I just need you to open Hell's Kitchen tonight. Now get up you fat donkey!" Noel, watching from a distance, shed tears for her dear Jean as she returned to her normal form.

"Tsubaki, are you alright?" Noel kneeled over next to Tsubaki. Her Izayoi form had disappeared as well.

"Yeah. Just blind again…" Tsubaki stood up, unfazed at her loss. Noel cried and hugged it out with Tsubaki's resigned face. Her tears were swept away by a wolf whistle.

"Pretty fucking good show! Didn't know you had it in ya." Kokonoe smirked as she and the rest of the girls walked over to Noel and Tsubaki.

"S-Screw you all! I-I almost, Tsubaki almost….!" Tsubaki ruffled her hair.

"It's okay, Noel. We're fine and that's all that counts." Tsubaki's smile convinced her to let the rest of her team go.

"Well girls…this never happened, yes?" Chef Ramsay nodded as Jean packed up their belongings.

"…Well, okay." Noel nodded as they all headed into the showers to get back to service.


	7. Episode 6 - A service in hell

ON THE PREVIOUS EPISODE OF HELL'S KITCHEN

_"This never happened, yes?" Chef Ramsay shook his head._

"_Well, Ok." Noel shrugged._

AND NOW FOR THE CONTINUATION OF HELL'S KITCHEN

xxxx

"Shut the fuck up, Bang! Christ!" Ragna shoved Bang out of the way as he walked into the storage closet.

"B-BUT RAGNA! I-" Before he could finish his sentence, Ragna cut him off.

"One out of fucking seventy. Jin sucked dicks too, but at least he hit twenty-percent! How fucking unreliable can you be!? I just don't want to fucking see you right now!" Ragna grabbed a pair of gloves and the toilet scrubber before he set off to the bathrooms, leaving Bang with the rest of the gang.

"B-But why is NOBODY mad at Hazama!? He failed us too!" Bang pointed his finger at Hazama, longing for any way to shift the blame.

"HYAYAAHAHAHA! So what, I failed you by TRUSTING YOU? I'M SORRY, YOU USELESS SACK OF SHIT! Guess I won't be doing that anytime soon, yeah!?"

"Y-You scoundrel!" Bang flinched.

"You don't get it do you? None of you fucking get it! Only ONE is winning this restaurant, and that's ME! YAHAHAHA!" Hazama picked up a mop and tilted his fedora, smiling as he left to do the rest of his work. The rest of the men weren't in the mood to retort.

"B-But!" Bang looked around as the rest of the men glared at him.

"Hmph. You failed. I failed. There's no excuse to make…just work to do." Jin shook his head as he picked up the vacuum cleaner and left the room.

"And to think I ever thought you and I could be rivals…What a letdown. " Azrael walked past Bang, not looking at him, as he got what he needed to clean up his part of the dorm.

"A-Amane…" The only sensitive man, Bang thought. Surely he…

"I'm sorry, Bang…But they're right. To think of all the shrimp that got wasted because you can never calm down…I'm sorry. I just don't want to talk right now." Amane picked up the window cleaning solution and left Bang all to himself.

Bang didn't move; he just stared at the closet. The roles had all been picked already; they didn't need him to clean. They didn't need him…at all, did they?

*Interview with Bang*

"_I…I failed. I failed my team…I failed the shrimp…I failed Ikaruga…I failed…I failed myself…" Bang didn't look at the camera, his face hung low, his arms wiped the tears forming over his eyes._

"_And now, I've lost more than the challenge…I lost their trust…my confidence…I….." Bang sobbed into his arm._

*End of Interview*

"Man, I bet the girls are having so much fucking fun right now." Ragna sulked as he scrubbed the toilet.

"Shut up and let's get this done with alright? I'm already ruining my nails." Amane pleaded as he sprayed the windows with cleaning solution.

"We have to win tonight's service…We have to!" Ragna scrubbed the toilet furiously.

xxxx

"Oh man, that was the best sushi!" Noel skipped into the kitchen, with Bullet nodding at her comment. The men were serious, and not in the mood to even pay attention to her.

"Oh my, I think we should leave them alone." Litchi shrugged and left to prep her station.

"I'll go put on my bitch mask, I'll…um…see…you guys later." Tsubaki hung her head as she walked towards the managing rooms.

"Very well then, after such a wonderful evening, I believe there is nothing to fear of tonight's service." Rachel walked gracefully to her station, and began peeling potatoes.

"Oh hell fucking no, Rachel! I got the potatoes. Go actually DO something this time!" Taking away the knife from Rachel's hand, Kokonoe began peeling potatoes at a swift pace.

"Hmph! How rude." Rachel walked away, looking for other tasks to occupy her mind.

xxxx

Kitchen prepped, and teams ready, Chef Ramsay walked into the kitchen.

"Alright then. Last service turned out alright, let's make this one an even better one, yes!?" Chef Ramsay shouted at the remaining contestants.

"YES CHEF!" The shouting sounded dim. Bang's usual energy was missing from the chorus.

"Jean Phillipe!" Chef Ramsay clapped his hands, and Jean Phillipe warped next to Chef Ramsay with a cup of tea.

"B-Bloody hell, Phillipe!? What the fuck!?" Chef Ramsay shook his head as Valkenhayn warped next to Phillipe.

"Just a few tricks of the trade, Chef." Valkenhayn grinned, and Chef Ramsay rolled his eyes. He had no time to give a fuck about physics.

"Well fuck me, whatever. Open Hell's Kitchen!" Chef Ramsay shouted and, with a 'yes, chef!' Phillipe opened the doors.

xxxx

Several guests had already entered the restaurant, and the first tickets were flying in. The men were ready to prove the challenge was just a fluke. Meanwhile, the women were ready to prove this was the start of their reign of terror.

"Three scallops, One Risotto! Get moving men!"

"YES, CHEF!"

"Two caviar stuffed eggs, one lobster spaghetti! Come on, women!"

"YES, CHEF!"

The orders raining in, both teams began working to bring their first appetizers to the plate.

"How long for the scallops!" Bang shouted out.

No response.

"Guys? How long for the scallops!?" After a second time, it was clear he was being ignored. Amane realized what was going on. And, perhaps out of the pity in his heart…!

"Jin, how long for scallops?" Amane shouted out while looking at Bang.

"Two minutes." Without another word, Jin kept searing his share of the tickets.

Bang looked at Amane, and his eyes got teary with gratitude.

"AMANE-DONO! For the strength your kindness has given me, I…!" Bang began glowing yellow, and music started playing out of nowhere.

'BANG, BANG BANG BANG!'

"What the fuck?" Chef Ramsay turned around to find the kitchen glowing in radiant gold.

"SHISHIGAMI NINPO, FORBIDDEN ART! FU-RIN-KA-ZAAAAAAAAA-"

"BANG! Leave the fucking opera for the night and COOK!" Chef Ramsay shouted as he stared at the scene in disbelief.

"YES CHEF!" His strength renewed, Bang teleported to finish the Risotto that was to leave with Jin's scallops.

"Risotto's ready, Chef!" Bang moved towards the table with amazing speed and left his risotto just as Jin left his scallops. Chef Ramsay tasted it and…

"BANG!" A shout pierced the blue kitchen, muting Bang's theme song.

"C-CHEF!?"

"Fucking excellent risotto, yes? Please keep it up!" Bang let out a yee-haw as he jumped back to his station.

'BANG BANG BANG BAAAAAA-'

"And cut the donkey shit! It's the first fucking ticket you DICKFACE!" Despite the insults, Bang was fired up; nothing was able to stop him! …But he turned off the music lest he get kicked out.

"JIN! These scallops are fucking overcooked, what's with you and fucking meat!? DON'T YOU DARE OVERCOOK THEM AGAIN!" Chef Ramsay threw the scallops in the bin.

"Yes, chef." Jin put a new pair of scallops in the pan, as Azrael chuckled.

"Heh, Bang! So you finally show your strength!" Azrael grinned as he delicatedly placed an ornamental leaf on his risotto.

"Azrael! I shall not be defeated!" Bang grinned as he worked on firing up some spaghetti. Amane smiled, seeing that Bang was back into his team's good graces.

"AMANE! YOU BRUNG ME LOBSTER SPAGHETTI…WITHOUT LOBSTER!" Chef Ramsay kicked the bin, sending it flying throughout the room and ricocheting with the walls…before landing in the spot it was in all along.

"Y-YES CHEF, SORRY CHEF!" Amane ran to fix his mistake. Perhaps he has been paying too much attention to Bang…

"Jeez, what's with everyone today?" Ragna worked on some appetizers of his own. But secretly, he was happy to see Bang not sucking for once.

"Fucking noisy shitheads." Hazama's smile was fading as he worked on his plates. Bang's noise was distracting him, which was never a good thing.

"HAZAMA! This risotto is UNDERCOOKED! START OVER!" Hazama flinched at Chef Ramsay's words. It was the first dish he'd had sent back, and it was all because of some retarded gorilla's shouting.

"Fucking piece of shit!" Hazama mumbled under his breath. This wasn't going to stay this way.

xxxx

"Litchi! Excellent scallops, as always!" Litchi thanked the Chef, shooting Kokonoe a victorious smirk. Kokonoe frowned, she wasn't having any of that shit.

"Kokonoe, great risotto!" Kokonoe stuck out her tongue at Litchi.

"RACHEL! What the FUCK is this spaghetti? Do I have to bring Ragna to cook it for you!?" Rachel flinched. How could she mess up pasta?

"N-No chef, I'll fix it chef!" Running back to the station, Rachel hurried to get another spaghetti ready.

"Fucking excellent job, all of you! We're already into entrees!" Chef Ramsay said with a grin of satisfaction. By the heavens, could this season be finally full of competent chefs?

xxxx

"Alright, ladies! Two wellingtons, one medium rare and one rare! One halibut, one salmon, and one lamb! Get moving!"

"Yes chef!"

But as we all know, even sun sets in paradise. Walking with her salmon, Noel was hoping to get on Chef Ramsay's good graces.

"NOEL! What the FUCK is this salmon!? IT'S RAW! Are we back to opening night now!?"

"N-No Chef!" Noel was near tears as she ran over to put another salmon in the pan.

"LITCHI! What did I ask for the Wellingtons to be like!?"

"U-Uhm, Rare and Medium Rare, chef?" Litchi began sweating.

"Right-fucking-o! So why are they BOTH rare? You're freezing the table you DUMB BIMBO!" With orgasmic damage sounds, Litchi apologized and hurried up to correct her mistake.

"RACHEL! What is this fucking halibut!?" Rachel swallowed. Her performance this night wasn't going so well.

"Hey, HEY YOU! Missy! Got a little sun burnt, ruined your fucking nails in the sand and now you can't cook!?" Chef Ramsay shouted, and Rachel struggled not to break under the pressure.

"That's not true, chef! I'll fix it, chef!"

"Yeah you better FUCKING FIX IT!" Chef Ramsay slammed his hand on the halibut, causing it to explode. Just another day in Hell's Kitchen.

"BULLET!" Bullet looked up. She swallowed.

"Fucking great Swordfish, try to carry these bitches yes?" Chef Ramsay said as he walked over to the blue kitchen. Relieved, Bullet let out a sigh.

"Good job, Bullet!" Rachel heard herself say. She never complimented people, and it took her a few seconds to realize the kitchen had frozen, looking at her.

"What? Stop looking and get working you peasants!" Rachel scoffed as she went into the freezer to retrieve some missing ingredients.

"Alright…Rachel." Bullet smiled greatly.

"I guess Hell's Kitchen must be freezing over…" Litchi uttered as she fired up the Wellingtons.

"I think it froze since Noel managed to fucking cook." Kokonoe chuckled as she fired up a halibut.

"Y-You guys suck!" Noel let out weakly, too shattered from the berating she had just been given.

Xxxx

"NO! NOOOOOO! IT'S FUCKING RUBBER!" Chef Ramsay flipped Jin's plate, propelling it to the wall, where it shattered into a million pieces.

"Sorry Che-"

"HEY! Are you a fucking dumb blonde, hippie!?" Chef Ramsay looked at Jin's cold, soulless eyes.

"Sorry chef, no problem chef, I'll do it chef, BUT YOU KEEP GIVING ME SHIT! Is this your FUCKING LIMIT!? ALREADY!?" Jin looked towards the sky. Damn it, his burst gauge wasn't full yet.

"LOOK AT ME IN THE FUCKING EYES WHEN I'M COMBOING YOU, YOU FUCKING DICK!"

"Y-Yes, chef. It's not my limit, sir. I will show it with the next plate…or I'll leave the kitchen." Jin looked back at Chef Ramsay.

"You better fucking show it! And fuck off, yes? You don't fucking decide who leaves the kitchen!" With a yes chef, Jin headed back to fire up his Wellingtons. Bang couldn't help but feel sorry for his greatest rival.

"Bang! Fuck me, this is your best service yet!" Chef Ramsay said as he complimented Bang's salmon. Bang looked like it was Christmas, and Litchi was all wrapped up under the tree, beggi-

"RAGNA! THIS HALIBUT IS OVERCOOKED! WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE!?" Chef Ramsay stormed out after berating Amane and Hazama's dishes as well.

"Heh, it seems this is heating up!" Azrael muttered as he worked on his next plate.

"YES! But we shall emerge VICTORIOUS!" Bang shouted as he cooked. However, distracted by his chit-chat with Azrael, he didn't notice Hazama switching his salt with sugar. As everyone else was being shouted at, Hazama chuckled victoriously.

xxxx

"RACHEL! Why are you so fucking useless today!?" Chef Ramsay didn't understand, the teams had talent and they had shown it. So why was it that today they sucked so hard!?

"C-Chef I-"

"I don't want to bloody hear it! Is this because you won the challenge!? Now everybody's all confident and FUCKING EVERYTHING UP!?" Chef Ramsay smacked his hand on the table. Before speaking further…

"K-KYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!" Noel shouted as her pan caught fire. She tried to douse it with water, but accidentally showered it with oil, just further strengthening the fire.

"Oh my god, no! NO! LEAVE IT! JUST FUCKING LEAVE IT!" Chef Ramsay put a glove in his hand, grabbed the pan and threw it into the sink. On its landing, the pan released a multitude of small fireworks he swatted away like flies.

"Enough! I've had…ENOUGH!" Chef Ramsay kicked a bin, evaporating it instantly.

"ALL OF YOU COME HERE!" The women walked around chef Ramsay as he fumed.

"You, rich bitch! You can't cook for shit today! You, dumb bimbo! You're inconsistent as shit! You blonde crybaby dumb ass shitbag! You're gonna burn the FUCKING PLACE DOWN! You're here wasting food, wasting time, you're screwing me-FUCK THE LOT OF YOU! FUCK. THE. LOT. OF. YOU!" Noel's eyes swelled up with tears as she swallowed. Litchi's boobs pales, and Rachel looked like she was actually going to become mortal.

"Shut it down! Shut the fucking red kitchen down, Tsubaki!" Tsubaki nodded and began turning off the stoves.

" Bullet! Pick two members from your team to go home, because you're all fucking shameful!" Slamming his hand on the table, he uttered a few last words.

"Now GET OUT! GET OOOOOOOOOOUT!" As the women left in terror, Chef Ramsay left Tsubaki with the task of cleaning up while he went to check on the men.

xxxx

"Oh fucking no, you're such a piece of useless donkey balls!" Chef Ramsay looked at Jin in disgust.

"I understand Chef." Jin looked at Ramsay's eyes.

"Hey. Get out, yes? GET BACK TO THE DORM! I'VE HAD ENOUGH OF YOU!" Jin nodded and walked outside the kitchen.

"AT LEAST PRETEND YOU GIVE A SHIT, YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE!" Chef Ramsay shouted as Jin left the kitchen.

"J-JIN KISARAGIIIII-" Bang shouted as he looked at the scene. Chef Ramsay swiftly raised his pimp hand, causing Bang to be silenced immediately.

"Bring me your fucking soup, yes?" Still confident, Bang happily took his plate to Ramsay, who took a spoonful of the broth.

"What the bloody hell? Why is this so sweet!? Did you taste this!?" As Bang's eyes widened, Hazama grinned in satisfaction. Ragna and Amane looked in suspicion.

"N-No Chef, I did not!" Bang hung his head.

"You don't even taste what you send to me!? Oh why, WHY DO YOU DO THIS!? WHAT'S SO FUCKING COMPLICATED!?" As Chef Ramsay shouted, Azrael was too entertained to notice his pan catching fire.

"Woops." Azrael threw his pan into the sink, causing a beautiful pillar of fire that conveniently didn't hit anything.

"ENOUGH! I'VE HAD ENOUGH!" Chef Ramsay flipped the plate of soup, causing it to fall on the pillar of fire, turning it off.

"GET OUT! Azrael, pick two members to go home and just…just GET OUT! SHUT IT DOWN! YOU'RE ALL SHAMEFUL!" Ragna flinched. He was almost beginning to not fuck up plates that night…and now he could go home.

As the kitchens shut down, both teams headed back into the dorms. With four potential nominees, just who is going home tonight?

Find out in the next episode…of Hell's Kitchen!


End file.
